Technical Difficulties (Brother's Conflict)

Chapter 25!

I did not draw sanscar but i do want to drive it away from all of the problems i seem to create for my characters on impulse, put on ur seatbelts its angsty hours

Mei doesn't really remember walking home with Tsubaki, other than it being unbelievably quiet between the two of them. When they got back she went straight to her room, throwing some clothes and the extra art supplies she'd bought into a backpack. She decided she'd be on the first train to go up to her apartment, getting the hell out of this house for at least a few days. She didn't know why she felt the way she did about the kiss, but if there was a place to clear her head and figure it out, it was that desolate apartment.

She grabbed her wallet off the floor where it had fallen from her coat pocket in her rush, now patting her pockets to make sure that her phone hadn't fallen too, which thankfully it hadn't. Mei hadn't realized what kind of ball of nerves she was until she went to her desk to write on a piece of paper that she left early in the morning, planning on sliding it underneath Ema's door. She watched startled as a few tears dropped from her eyes and splattered onto the piece of notebook paper she had just torn out, noticing as her pen shook in her hands. "God, I feel like a fugitive or something.."

She took some deep breaths while grabbing another paper, trying to stop making such a big deal out of running off in the middle of the night to go process her feelings in an apartment she didn't like being alone in since she bought it over a year ago. She finally managed to make the note twice, one for Ema and one for Ukyo, planning on calling one of them at a more reasonable hour when she knew they'd be awake. She scanned over her room once with her eyes, trying to see if anything else jogged her memory as being necessary. She almost turned and left into the bright hallway, but instead worry got the better of her and she rushed over to her bedside table, grabbing her bottle of painkillers in case she had any severe issues with her condition like the flare ups from recently.

Then she made her way towards the stairwell on the fifth floor, rather than the elevator. The elevator would make too much noise and might wake someone up in time for them to ask her where she's going and why she's crying, meaning she couldn't risk it. But clearly, god had other plans, "Mei, what are you doing walking around so late? You haven't even taken off your coat yet.."

There, standing in front of her, was her least likely roadblock: her eldest brother Masaomi whom she hadn't even factored into her plans. "Uhm, I'm just moving my bag downstairs for when I leave tomorrow morning. I..just got back from a walk with Tsubaki to cheer him up with the whole voice role thing so that's why I'm still wearing my coat.."

"Couldn't you just do that in the morning, sleep is--Mei are you crying?"

She sharply inhaled, immediately diverting her eyes from his and looking towards the floor as though her bangs would act like some sort of shield so that she could escape this conversation. "No, I just rubbed at them because I'm tired. I'll be going now."

She tried to speed walk past him, but he caught her arm, "Mei I don't know where you're planning on going but you shouldn't-"

"And what gives you the right?" Her voice was trembling, with anger and barely held back tears she was sure. "We're barely even family, just let me live my life and I'll let you live yours."

She tried to wrench her arm from his grasp but instead he gripped it a bit tighter. "I know we're not that close, but you have to understand I'm here to look out for you instead of our parents-"

"They're not my parents!" She paused as she raised her voice, recollecting herself and continuing in the hopes that no one woke up from that slight shout. "I thought you would've noticed by now, but I don't call Rintaro 'dad'. I never have and I never will because that's not what he is to me. I'm forever grateful to him, yes, and I'm glad he took me in but he's not my dad. Just like how I'm glad you care enough to want to help a useless girl like me, but you're not my brother, and you can't convince me to trust you based on a bond that doesn't exist."

He was taken aback by her harsh words, nothing like who she'd acted with them the past four months living with them. It made him wonder if it really was all an act or if it was something much more deeply wrong because of her past experiences. It was enough for him to loosen his grip, however, so she quickly took that chance and pulled her arm away from him.

"Even if you don't trust me, then can you please stay home until morning for your own sake? You're smart, I know you know that wandering around right now, especially when you're upset isn't a good idea, so please.."

"You don't understand..none of you do." She was the one shaking now, not Tsubaki, and it wasn't because she didn't get the job she wanted when there were plenty of others to take on. She turned to Masaomi quickly, tears running down her face as she almost frantically reached for him.

She cupped his face in her hands, choking out quiet sobs, "Can you even imagine not feeling anything, not knowing if someone is warm or cold, if someone is sick? Can you imagine reaching out to touch the face of someone you care about, trying to comfort them, but suddenly numbness stretches through your fingers and not only can you not feel the warmth of their skin, feel close to them, but then it gets to a point where you can't even feel textures? You only know that your hands are holding something because you see it in front of you and you distantly feel pressure, not because skin is warm and soft and a thousand other things it should be?"

Her hands slipped to his shirt, grabbing fistfuls of the fabric in a desperate flurry of emotion."I can't...I can't feel it anymore. I finally found things that I want but now I don't have the heart to pursue them. One day..one day, I told myself. You'll find someone who loves you. The clouds will go away. Things will pass. Everything with your mother and father will fade away when someone loves you, so it's all going to be fine. But nothing is ever fine, now when I look at people, no matter what honesty I see in their eyes, I can't approach it because it terrifies me, because I know that I...I.." Mei was trying to will herself to continue speaking, but she was too far gone in her crying to continue breathing let alone forming words.

"Mei, I'm sorry. I-" As soon as Masaomi's hand reached up to meet one of her's she reeled her hands back as though he'd burned her.

"S-sorry. Forget what I said, all of it." She paused, rubbing at her eyes roughly and sniffling. "If you really want to know, I'm going to my apartment for the weekend, Ema knows where it is so you can ask her in the morning. Goodnight."

Mei moved faster than she would've thought possible with how short of breath she'd been because of the crying, but it's not like she worked out for nothing all the time. With that, she eventually found herself waiting at the train station, still wiping away the occasional tear. She got an odd look here and there by the earliest batch of commuters, reaffirming that she probably looked like a wreck currently, but they were so few that she didn't care.