Blood and Tears (BoyxBoy)

Chapter Ten

RECAP:

Ashley took my fingers again and brought my hand up to his lips. Before they met, he spoke again. "I don't know if you're ready to hear this. I don't even know how you feel about me, but I need to tell you because I thought I was never going to be able to tell you." He took a breath and I could hear my heart threatening to beat out of my chest. "I know we just met, Seth, but I... like you a lot. No, that's a lie. I... I love you." (A/N: sorry that was such a cute part, I had to put it in again:p)

I swallowed, trying to digest what Ash just said. He... loved me? That was impossible. I was worthless.

"You... can't," I said, flustered. What was I supposed to do?

Ashley's eyes widened, his whole body unmoving.

I started to babble. "Ashley, this is a mistake. You can't love me. Nobody can love me. I don't love me. I don't deserve this, you. I didn't deserve my mom, and that's why she..." A lump grew in my throat and I couldn't talk anymore. I wanted to cry, more than anything. But I couldn't. Ashley dropped my hand.

"What do you mean?" he said, looking ready to cry himself. "Do you not like me? Is that it? I'm so stupid." He glared at the ceiling. "I should've known better than to tell you that."

"No, Ashley, it's not that. I do like you." I gasped when I realized what I had admitted. Now my feelings were out on the table too. I didn't like that. It made me feel too vulnerable.

Ashley looked at me, the hurt clear in his eyes. I felt pissed at myself for making him upset, and pissed at myself for making him like me. He should fall in love with some really great guy. Not me.

"Then why are  you acting like this? If we both like each other, what's the problem?" Ashley sat up in the bed with a burst of energy. I felt like such an asshole for doing this to him but there was no other way. I could never be with him because of my dad.

"I think you should leave," I muttered, feeling incredibly nauseous. "Please."

"What? Seth, you can't be serious. I was here for you that whole time and I love you. You're going to cut me off just like that? Please, let's just talk," Ashley pleaded. My heart broke at the tone in his voice, but there was no turning back now.

"You don't love me. We just met. I was lying when I told you I like you because I didn't want to hurt your feelings. I don't like you at all." I rolled over so my back was facing him, partly so he would get the idea that he should leave, and partly because I knew that if I looked at him, I would change my mind about making him leave.

Everything was silent for a few seconds, but it seemed like forever. I could literally feel my heart slowly ripping apart piece by piece.

"Well... Ouch." Ashley didn't say anything else. I heard him get up and walk slowly to the door. He paused before leaving, almost like he had something else to say, but then he opened the door and left without another word.

I squeezed my eyes shut and felt a scream building up in my throat. I was about to let it free when I heard the door open again. I felt my heart leap. Maybe it was Ashley. I turned my head to see Dr. Macey. Mace.

"Hi, where's your friend?" she asked, peeking around.

"He left."

"Uh oh. Did you guys get in a fight?" Mace sat back down in her rolling stool. Why did she care? She didn't know me? Oh, well. I might as well tell her. It's not like I would ever see her again and I really did need someone to just talk at right now.

"I wouldn't exactly call it a fight." I chuckled bitterly.

"Well, what would you call it?"

"I don't know. We weren't together so it wasn't a breakup. I don't know."