I'm Fine || kσσkv

XIX

Taehyung sat in his old bedroom with Jungkook sitting next to him. They've been in the room for twenty minutes or so without talking. Taehyung fighting with his own thoughts before Jungkook decided to break the tension. "... How do you feel?" Jungkook gulped, placing his hand on Taehyung's back but the boy only shrugged off Jungkook. The boy nibbling his lip and placing his hands between his thighs.

"He has cancer and his dying wish was to see me.. Why would he want that? After he took my childhood away from me.. he has less than a week to live and I-." Taehyung couldn't even finish his sentence as his voice broke and once again Jungkook tried to comfort Taehyung but the boy refused. There was another part of the story that his family didn't know but for Jungkook. Taehyung didn't just get mentally and physically abused. "I feel just as disgusting as I felt when I was eight." Taehyung let out with a broken voice, tears rolling down his cheeks.

It started when he was seven and thankfully only carried on until he was eight. Nothing too extreme but he was touched in places he did not wish to be touched. "I knew what he was doing and I didn't stop him... Jungkook I worked so hard to remove that memory and I feel so disgusting. I feel so dirty.." Taehyung stood up and walked away from Jungkook with a shaky breath. Taehyung knew his mother went through enough hell from that relationship so... he kept it to himself until the age of twelve where he told Jungkook, who was ten.

The only reason Taehyung told Jungkook was that his father wanted to get in contact with Taehyung. Wanted to see his son and all that shit but Taehyung panicked. That was the first time ever Taehyung had a panic attack and he really thought he was going to die. Though... Jungkook was there. Although he was ten... Jungkook was there. Just like now as Taehyung held his neck and closed his eyes.

It felt like he just finished running from how fast his heart was beating. Thudding in his chest and pounding in his ears. Taehyung shook his head from the memory and his body tingled. Taehyung wanted to forget everything about his father. Chest growing tight like he was in some bubble that only gave a maximum amount of air. Jungkook had Taehyung in his grasp as Taehyung was on the floor. Just like that night when Taehyung was twelve.

"Breathe Taehyung, come on shh, inhale... exhale... inhale... exhale..." Jungkook brushed Taehyung's hair back and got onto his knees in which he rested Taehyung's forehead on his shoulder. Rubbing his back, Jungkook spoke calmly to Taehyung. Telling him to breathe and to focus on his fingers which were shaking. "Try to stop them okay? Just breathe and focus on your fingers." Jungkook whispered into Taehyung's ear. Rubbing his back while talking Taehyung through it.

It took twenty minutes for Taehyung to actually calm down. Jungkook still right by Taehyung's side before pulling away a bit and tilting Taehyung's head up. "Don't go. Taehyung for your sake, don't go." Jungkook cupped Taehyung's cheek and with his soft doe loving eyes, Taehyung felt so safe. Just having Jungkook close made him feel so... he simply couldn't explain it. Without realizing... they both started to lean in until there was a knock at the door. "Kook? Nari is here." and just like that Jungkook let his hand drop from Taehyung's cheek. Breaking eye contact.

Taehyung felt his chest tighten at that but he looked elsewhere. "Go. I'll be okay." Taehyung spoke while sniffling. Jungkook looking at Taehyung who was wiping away the tears. "Please Jungkook, go," Taehyung said while still looking elsewhere. Not wanting to upset Taehyung more, Jungkook got up and left. Although that was not what he wanted to do. All he wanted was to hold Taehyung and be with him but... he had a mate that was here for him.

Taehyung then sat there in his room. Completely alone and completely thoughtless. For a moment he didn't feel anything. Just all around numb. Leaning his head back on the wall, Taehyung closed his eyes with a ragged sigh. All he wanted was his best friend to be with him in this moment but things have changed. Breathing in and out a couple of times, Taehyung finally got up from the floor and made himself presentable.

Walking downstairs, Taehyung walked over to his mother who was now calmed. With a smile, Taehyung hooked his arm around his mother and hugged her from behind. Okay, maybe having his mother's warmth was just a tad bit better than Jungkook's warmth. Which was calming because at least he can come to his mother when he feels lonely for the warmth. "You okay baby?" Miyoung asked Taehyung who nodded and placed his chin on his mother's shoulder.

Then before he could say anything else straying away from the topic of his father, Taehyung decided what he would do. "I want closure from him, mom." Taehyung held her tightly. "I want to let go of that part of my life... so I'm going. Just for a few minutes. In and out, that's all." Taehyung gulped harshly after speaking up the family that was there. "I'll drive you." Chul walked next to his family and kissed Taehyung's forehead. "Thank you." Taehyung sniffled.

Taehyung looked at his mother who only looked at Taehyung with a broken smile. Turning around to cup her son's cheeks. "I've raised such a good man." She smiled while the tears also started to fall. "If that's what you want then you do what you gotta do baby." Miyoung caressed Taehyung's cheek. Taehyung breathed in and nodded. That was all that revolved around Taehyung's father though. The rest of the day Taehyung just hung around with his mother and father... and Jungkook's parents too which was very fun.

Taehyung took a few days to himself before he decided he would pay his 'father' a visit. A quick one... a very quick one just so he could say his goodbyes. Staring at the hospital from the vehicle, Taehyung kind of just blanked. He had this whole speech he wanted to tell his father but the moment he eyed the hospital that held his father. The man he hasn't seen in almost thirteen years... it scared him and he could feel his chest tighten. Although he knew he didn't have to do this... he wanted to do this.

Looking over at Chul, Taehyung finally got ahold of himself after fifteen minutes in the parking lot. "I'll be back soon." He flashed a small smile before getting out of the vehicle and walking towards the hospital. From there it felt like he was in a nightmare and everything moved in slow motion. Talking to the front desk, then a nurse followed by a doctor. Then came the real thing where he was being led to a room.

"The patient drifts in and out of consciousness and can no longer speak. From the looks of it, he won't make it through the night. I'm sorry." The doctor spoke to Taehyung who only stared at the man in the bed. Everything about him was so different. So skinny, so frail looking. It took Taehyung a moment to remember the kind of guy he was. Sitting on the chair not too far away, Taehyung just stared at this male who was known as his father.

The heavy and gasping breathing was not pleasant. Like there was a bubble in his throat. Then as he was thinking over things in his head, Taehyung watched his eyes open and look at Taehyung. First, they looked confused but then it softened. Taehyung felt so heavy at that moment as he stared into those eyes. Taehyung tried to say what he wanted to say but he couldn't. The tears prickled through while they kept eye contact.

The memories of his father invading his mind. This man who laid in the hospital bed was not his father. Never was and never will be. Taehyung knew that in his heart. This man on that bed was ripped away from all parental rights the moment he laid a hand on Taehyung. Taehyung tried to speak but he couldn't.. he just couldn't.

Then he felt the panic coming back. Before he broke down in the room, Taehyung forced himself to leave the room and hurried into the staircase where he tried to calm himself but it only got worse. This time it really felt like he couldn't breathe. Like his airway was closed up and he couldn't do it. Taehyung didn't know what he expected from this. Did he think he could just automatically forget about everything this man did? No... no way in hell and now it would take longer for Taehyung to forget this.

Left in the staircase, Taehyung tried to calm himself but it only got worse. Knowing he would eventually calm down but right now it just felt like everything was crumbling. What this man did to Taehyung during the years that were supposed to be pure... it took something from Taehyung that he could never get back. He spend his childhood being abused at home. Instead of playing outside like a child should, he was being yelled and beaten by his dad inside. At that moment though... all he wanted was Jungkook but atlas, Jungkook was no where to be found.