What Cannot Be Verbally Expressed

EIGHT

everyone's asleep

it's like 2:30 in the morning and here i am

alone

and awake

and usually when im alone at this time because i stayed up so late

im in the bathroom crying and cutting

or just crying into a pillow

or having a panic attack

or some bad shit is going down

but tonight (well kinda)

i feel okay.

im not feeling suicidal

im not feeling depressed

or sad

or any of that

im actually...

//
//
happy?
//
//

that sounds so weird

im never happy

wow

the only reason im happy

is because i talked to him until he fell asleep

and he told me things

and for once, i believed them

and i felt like someone cared about me

a lot

i actually think i do like him

a lot

i wish i didn't (not being offensive)

i just wish i didn't fall in "love" so easily and so hard

it honestly hurts my heart every second i can't talk to him

but i am glad that i did get to talk to him

he makes me happy.