I Can't Make You Love Me | •JeongMi•

Chapter 38

Mina•

I woke up when the sunray was hitting my face, i slowly opened my eyes and felt someone was spooning me. I gently turned myself around saw jeongyeon peacefully sleeping.

she's fine... For now

"you look like you're not suffering, im sorry if you have to get through it on your own" i whispered as i stare at her bareface

Then i remembered how she broke down last night.

FLASHBACK

Jeongyeon and i got out of the cab and went back inside to the hotel when i noticed her sudden change of mood.

Is there something bothering her?

We got into the elevator and she's still quiet until we reached our room.

She sat down at the edge of the bed then burried her face to her palm, i noticed some noises and i bet she was sobbing.

I went to her and placed my hand to her back and comforted her

"hey whats wrong??" i asked sincerely

She shook her head and didnt even replied to me, i know there's something wrong.

"please tell me whats wrong jeongie?" i asked again

I stood up at the front of her and lifted her face then removed her hands from her face. I saw how tears fells down on her face, i saw pain in her eyes.

As i look at her, i cant help myself not to feel bad. I was one of the reasons why she fell into this dark hole, why she's dealing with this mental illness.

I couldnt ask for more questions, she's too fragile right now. Instead i hugged her and let her bury her face to my stomach then massage the back of her head

Maybe if i tried to hear out that day and let her explain, she wouldve been able to express her feelings to me that day.

I alredy know everything but i still wanted to hear it from her. If the girls didnt told me everything she kept from me i wouldve been clueless until now. Whenever i remember the days she avoided me 7 years ago because she doesnt want me to be the one to avoid her, made me weak.

She doesnt wanted to be hated hated by the person she values the most but i ended up hating her.

She doesnt want me to be disguted of her those days, she thoughts im still homophobic thats why she did what she did.

Whenever i remember the days she tried to convince me to accept the homosexual peoples, made me realize....

If i didn't hated gay people before she could've not avoided me just because of the fear that i might hate and be disguted of her sexuality, i could've been the best girlfriend to her if i didn't gave her that idea, it could've been us.

Maybe if i didn't pushed her away, i could've been her strength when she lost her dad, when she was having a hard time to adjust, whenever she felt home sick and when she felt the world was on her shoulders.

She never failed to call but i rejected it with the thought of 'i don't need her anymore'

I did nothing but to keep on hating her those days...i kept on blaming her that i was hurting so much when she lied and left me, but it didn't come to my mind that she only did it because of my sake and she didn't mean to lie to me and she was also hurting...

That she was the one who's hurting the most.

And whenever i recall the day i lost her...