All We Were

An Eternity Isn't Enough

"Understand that you're the sky and sea, the stars and the sun, the light and the darkness. You're my past, present and future, Kaden." He caresses her cheek, watching her shiver, the way her lips part while she steps closer.

"If I could, Love, I'd give you the sun. You can't understand how much I adore you, how much I love you. You're the brightest part of my day and night."

She doesn't answer, but She kisses him. She curls her fingers in the material of his shirt and pulls him against her, kissing him like tomorrow will never come. He looks in her eyes, nods then hugs and kisses her like he understands that she's crashing emotionally, like he knows that she's balancing on the edge. He pushes her on the bed, his lips caressing her skin while she hangs on to him. She doesn't know why she is so desperate, all she knows is that she needs.

She needs to feel, she needs his love, his kisses and voice. She needs to know that he gets her. She needs her best friend, her boyfriend... To be. Just to be in her life. Real.

The sun rises and sets, Someone knocks at the door, their dog barks... rain comes and goes but they don't pull away.

They grip tightly to each other, scared to let go. She doesn't know how long they kiss and talk. It can be a day or an eternity, and it still wouldn't be enough.

She wraps her legs around his waist, trying to curl closer while he removes her shirt.

Desire rushes through her at the way he touches and kisses her, like she is water, like she is precious. Like she is... loved, really loved by him. Her hands move to his jeans but, before she gets the chance to remove them, he pulls away and frowns.

She doesn't know what's wrong but she touches his shoulder in support. She wants him, but his well being is more important than her desire.

"What's up, love?"

He raises his eyebrows. Now he looks at her like she is a ghost. Like she is nothing, no one.
"Love? What? I think you're asking the wrong person. I'm not your boyfriend. Kissing you was a mistake. What did I just do? Who are you, anyway?"

Diandra opened her eyes, shivering. Tears fell on her phone while sobs shook her body.

"Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? I am not your boyfriend. I'm not your boyfriend. Not your boyfriend. Mistake. Who are you?"

She couldn't breathe. Why was she wet? She didn't pee herself, right?
Glancing at her clothes she winced. It was coffee. Only coffee.

"Not your boyfriend."

She crashed on the sofa in the living room with the mug in her hand, and it most probably spilled on her after she ended sleeping.

She sobbed even harder. She didn't even want to end sleeping. The words haunted her, ringing in her mind like an alarm you set in the morning that doesn't turn of no matter how much you want.

"Who are you. Mistake. Not yours."

No one, he doesn't remember, he can't, he doesn't want...

The nightmares were too real and she couldn't deal. She had half a mind to look online to see if there was a way to take some meds that will keep her permanently awake, because sleep killed her little by little.

"You're talking to the wrong person."

The truth was, no one prepared people for such an event. No one said: 
Hey, your boyfriend will lose his memory, but don't worry, here's a guide that will tell you what to do. 5 steps to help your boyfriend regain the years he can't remember. Join our email list and you will receive a downloadable spreadsheet with tricks that will help you stay afloat while he thinks that you're his best friend.

She wrapped her arms around her middle, while she struggled to breathe. She felt like there was a weight on her chest that was pushing all the oxygen out of her body. She needed air, she needed... To feel.

It was cold. She wanted to be warm, but her body, her soul were screaming for him, only for him and no one else.

Gritting her teeth in frustration because of how weak  she was, Diandra cleaned the mess from the spilled coffee, took a shower, ate a banana then refilled her mug.

Making herself comfortable on the sofa with her laptop, she started to look for a counselor. She couldn't go on like that, she was breaking apart and her state wasn't going to help her or Kaden.
She needed to be honest, she was a mess and she needed help.

"Ugh. Therapist, psychologist, doctor. What's the difference anyway? Just help me find a person I like!" She glared at her laptop.

After half an hour of searching, she finally found a description she liked.

(Name: Atlanthea Day.

Description: If the simplest tasks make you feel like you want to hide, if you can't find your way, I am here to take your hand and walk by your side.

I am here to help you figure who you are, I am here to listen. I am a guide, I am the hand that will pull you back from the edge when despair overwhelms you.

We will talk about issues such as anxiety, shame, depression, PTSD, grief, relationship conflicts and negative thoughts.

I will help you get back on your feet if you're willing to work with me. We will be a team.)

It was only 9AM. She had some time until Kaden joined her on the game.

Taking a deep breath she made an appointment for the next week then played with their dog, watched a movie and ate lunch.

Finally,the message she wanted to see since she woke appeared on her Whatsapp, managing to bring a fragile smile on her lips.

"Well, I'm there. Are you going to join me, best friend dearest?"

AN: Aw! I'm so proud of this chapter!

I enjoyed writing it and I really hope that you will like it. Feel free to comment, share the story or follow me on twitter at ChooseToStay.
Thanks for reading!

Also, snappyhaiku

 Thank you for the feedback and kind words!