Jay and I tried to hangout everyday. He needed it. He needed social interaction. Once he remembered the reason he stopped socializing, he would stop altogether. Even towards me. The only time that's happened was a few months ago. My family was visiting my aunt in the hospital, requiring us to fly across the country. I didn't see him for three days. When I returned all he did was shrug or roll his eyes. It was difficult to understand why he was acting this way. Since he didn't talk. I tried writing letters, playing music that he loved, making dinners, sleeping over even just to see if he would tell me to leave if he got annoyed. Not a word. This went on for two weeks. Until I found him smoking in the park. I always knew he was trying to stop, but I was sick of him using it as comfort. I sat down and pulled it from his lips and put it out. He immediately grew wide eyed and towered over me with large shoulders. I wasn't afraid though, I knew he wouldn't hurt me. He let out a scream and began walking in circles. His first word was a mixture of 'gosh' and 'shit'. It kind of sounded cool. He soon admitted that he and his father had gotten into a fist fight and he felt so filthy he couldn't bare to talk. My absence didn't help, so he had no one to tell. Felt abandoned. Wrote a few hate letters to me, then burned them. Ever since I've never left him again.
He thinks I pity him too much. Truth is I just care for him too much. He always tries to make up for shit that he's done to me. Like surprising me with breakfast or buying me my favorite bands albums before they release. It's sweet. But he doesn't have to make up for anything.
Jay was different with girls than most guys. He wasn't drawn to them like a child is to candy. He's more like a child running from monsters under their beds. He runs. Though he didn't have a reason to. No one has ever hurt Jay romantically. He saw enough hurt caused between his parents. That's what scared him. He couldn't end up like them. He couldn't. So he wouldn't ever get involved with anyone. Ever. I don't think he will stand to it. He might. But I'm sure he's capable of loving someone. And I know he's capable of being loved.
