Forever [Prim/Cato]

Chapter 10 - The Truth

Have you ever felt that in one certain moment, life ceases to exist, and you're filled with a strong sense of emptiness? The feeling of slowly losing control knowing that what you do in that exact situation will do nothing to stop it all, or let you escape? It consumes you. You want to just give it all up, to succumb to what's been dragging you down your whole life, and just tell it... finally...

"You win."

If you haven't, I commend you for having a wonderful life. I'm happy that you've made it this far with a strong sense of security, happiness, and love. I hope that your life continues to blossom in that light, and that it'll get better with time.

As for me... at a certain point, it'd felt that way. It felt that way only for a moment.

My Victor's interview, where the sound of three words falling from his lips reignited my soul and gave me a reason to continue living.

And then... the moment my daughter was born. I'd never been so scared, and yet so sure and happy in my entire life. Feeling that tiny heart beating against mine finally gave me a purpose in life. I knew that as long as her heart continued beating, so would mine.

It was like a parallel in my universe. Those three words my love had spoken gave my life new meaning, and today, those two words my daughter spoke took it away.

So now, how the hell am I supposed to feel knowing that in a week's time, hers could stop?

It took every minuscule muscle in my body to keep me upright on that stage as Willow stepped forward, hands clenched together so tightly in front of her.

Effie nearly choked on her own surprise and could barely muster up the courage to continue with the Reaping.

I couldn't hear anything else that happened on that stage. I didn't want to. I didn't care what boy was reaped, what else Effie was required to say to commemorate the event, or my role as trainer. As Effie said some brief words about me, I glanced up for a second, only to drop my head again as tears fell freely from my eyes. I'd always thought that nothing could hurt more than losing my daughter as a result of these Games. What I never thought about was that she had the power to choose her own fate. Willow has always had the opportunity to volunteer. She's just never had the reason to do so until today.

When her name wasn't called today, I thought that maybe, just maybe, Snow wouldn't go through with his plan. I thought that he'd finally decided to have a soul, or some semblance of a heart, and give her the peace of living a life none of us could have imagined having. Especially considering we've done nothing but comply with every demand he'd given us over the years. 

I guess that's something we will never know now, since Willow took the step ahead and volunteered before anyone could decide how her life would progress from that moment on. She didn't even know she would be reaped, but still, she took control over her own life, and the decisions encompassing it...

Even though I absolutely hate that she did it. 

Once the Reaping is all over, Willow and her fellow tribute, whose name I didn't catch, shake hands, and then they're being escorted by Effie into the town building to await visitors.

I wonder how many people will visit her. I had very few visitors for mine. 

Willow is in the room alone, and instead of going in, I let her be. I want her to have a moment of peace, to think about and understand the decision she made and what that means for her life from now on. She knows what the impact of the Games was on us, her parents. She knows that it's a horrible place to be, and that you never walk out the same. She knows that I continue to have nightmares to this day, and have to talk to someone just to sleep at night.