Forever [Prim/Cato]

Chapter 15 - The Parade

Prim:

I fall tragically in and out of sleep for the entire night, sad that the events of the day before have troubled me so much that I am sleeping away from Cato for the first time in what seems like forever. I had tried using the smell of Willow's hair to calm me down, and that gave me a couple of hours of disturbed rest, but when I wake from a nightmare, I am immediately consumed by my thoughts.

I run the argument from yesterday over and over in my mind, wondering if I could have said something differently that would have convinced Cato to not be so upset with me.

Maybe if when he'd asked me to explain why, if I would have just apologized, things would have been ok. Or what if he had run into Willow before he'd gotten to me... would that have calmed him down enough?

It's nerve-wracking. When the smell of Willow's hair can't help me relax, I settle on memories of me and Cato before she was born. The bliss of being young, dumb, in love, happy... those sweet, serene days where all we had to do was care for one another.

It works, and after hours and hours of waiting and holding Willow, I manage a few hours of sleep sprawled out in this bed.

I don't remember my nightmare, but I'm partially awakened by the sound of heels clacking on the floor. I turn and pull the blanket over my head, groaning as I know it is Effie coming to wake me up for my day. In just a moment, she is going to rip the sheets off of me and squeal about how I have a big, big, big day ahead of me of training and prepping for the Games.

I am gripping onto the sheets so tightly that my hands go white. I don't hate this room, which was so delicately designed to keep me comfortable until I die in a few days, but more than anything, I'd rather be back at home with my mom, my sister, my cat, my goat, and my life. I don't want to die in the Hunger Games. I want my life back.

The clacking of the heels stop and the sheets are pulled, but they are pulled on the other side of the bed instead.

"It's time to get up, my star, we have a big, big, big day ahead of us!" Effie screeches. I can hear that she is trying to sound enthusiastic, but there is an edge of despair in her voice. The bed shifts, someone groans, and the world settles into making sense again.

I had woken in this room and for a moment, I was transported back in time, back to the summer of the 74th Hunger Games. The fleeting flashback, the anxiety of facing another day preparing for a bloodbath... I was Prim, the female tribute from District 12, again. I was worried about my feelings for Cato, Peeta's feelings for me, and how I was going to make it home alive.

That simpler, yet utterly so complicated life was a brief relief compared to what's really holding my life on the line today. Outside of having my daughter, I'd give anything to be back in those quieter, more sure days.

I'm stunned into stillness as Willow rises from the bed, rubbing her eyes to frown up at Effie. Effie has chosen green as her color for this Hunger Games circuit. It's better than the bright orange from my Hunger Games days, but it's still overwhelming and somewhat nauseating. Her entire outfit is detailed, intricate, and as always, purely elegant.

"Effie, can't I just have, like, five more minutes?" Willow asks begrudgingly.

I almost laugh at how much she reminds me of me back then. Having even a second of more time to Effie is like signing a deal with the devil. No... not the devil. Having a second of more time to Effie is like signing a deal with President Snow, much like Cato did to get us both out alive.

What a deal that was...

Effie responds by pulling the sheets off of my daughter even more. She snorts. "While you hold the most special place in my heart, dear, not a moment of time can be wasted. I'm depending on this now more than ever," she says.