IF ONLY---I COULD FORGIVE MYSELF

Chapter 10

He had thought it pointless to keep the daily harassment of Emre and Leyla about Sanem. They weren't going to tell him anything. It was as though they considered him the enemy. His thoughts of her would keep him going until he could finish this never-ending job.

October 19th meant one more week on location and then the job done. He would fly to London last week of the month to close everything out with the office. He would be home in Istanbul the first of November.

The calls and texts had reduced to one a day now. And the text always came at night when he had his time to think and feel. Whatever thought made his insides open up was what he would send. He was sure that was what she was thinking to.

I'm not forgetting you; I'm just letting you forgive.

He felt energized and strong by the end of the week. All the fear and anxiety he had felt was slowly going away. Just a few more things to do and he would head home. First to London to finalize everything with the office and pick up his commission. Since the whole project had been extended, he would receive a bonus to go along with it. That would nicely replenish his bank account and that would prohibit him from having to take on another job like that. His plans were not to accept any more assignments like this ever again.

When he arrived at the office in London, he decided to let Emre know to expect him home in a few days.

"Abi, it's good to hear your voice," Emre said. "Where are you and when are you coming home?" Can explained he was in London and would be home early the next week. "Emre," Can asked, "Are you going to tell me anything about Sanem?" After a long silence Can said "Okay, then I'll see you in a few days."

Emre hated the feeling that he heard in his brother's voice but his hands were tied. Between Leyla and his in-laws, it would be impossible for him to say anything.

A party, of course there had to be a party. This was the part he hated the most, all the hoopla that he didn't care about. Let's just get this over with. The exhibit was large and they had spent a lot of money to display it, so he knew this was important.

He always felt uneasy at these things and tried to keep a low profile but it was hard to do. He was mingling and taking time to stop and explain some of the pictures on display and taking an occasional picture with someone. He was describing one shot of any elderly lady in one of the villages when he heard someone call his name. Polen. He had completely forgot that she was friends with the director of the office. She quickly came over to him to give him an unexpectedly long hug and kiss. "Can I'm so glad your back. We have so much to catch up on. Don't make any plans for after the party," she said. "We're going back to my place and you can relax."

He was stunned. "Polen," he explained, "I have a very nice room down the street that I will be staying in, but thanks." His whole statement seemed to go unnoticed and she quickly grabbed one of the photographers to snap a picture of them. Well that was just great. His hopes of getting on and out of London unscathed wasn't going to happen.

Whether she had intended for the whole thing to happen or not, it seemed to him like a well-organized plan. And there it was, on the front page of the entertainment section of the newspaper. Front and center; it took up a quarter of the page. Allah, allah.

He had somehow managed to escaped the party that night with the excuse of tremendous jet lag and the need to sleep before his trip home. The next morning, he was greeted with the event of the week making the TV entertainment news and of course the speculation of a possible reconciliation of the former couple. He was growing tired of the whole ordeal and realized he would have to be cruel and forbidding with her to put an end to all of it. He hoped that the damage had not already been done.