will you be mine

5

The arena is a buzz with excitement, it starts to rub off on me. I'm less than thrilled at the beer prices, Ethan and I have standing tickets so we quickly work our way as close to the stage as we can. Thank god I'm wearing flat shoes I'm not sure I would cope in heels, my feet ache just thinking about it. We manage to find a space fairly close to the stage, our view won't be too bad. Ethan is visibly excited, he reminds me or Dianne when she went to her first Ryder show.

A mop of red hair draws my attention to the stage, it's Maggie. God she hasn't changed, I always liked the bands manager. Maggie busies herself putting bottles of water on the stage for the band, she never did trust anyone else. I laugh to myself as she checks all the equipment and even does a sound check.the roadies had already done it five minutes prior but she didn't care. Maggie gives a thumbs up to someone back stage before she leaves, not long after the large screen comes to life, theirs the bands logo and a 5 minute countdown.

The atmosphere is amazing, everyone is so ready for the band to make an entrance. We had caught a little bit of the support act but neither Ethan or I had recognised their music.

As the countdown gets the single digits the arena goes dark. At 1 the stage is illuminated by red lights and then all the guys appear.were pretty close so I don't know where to look. I sneak a glance at ark but his heads down. They play all their classics including my favourite ecstasy. My heart stops when a song called my rose starts, Ethan looks at me and nods. This song is about me, the lyrics are so beautifully haunting. My heart breaks for the man ho experienced so much pain at the loss of his love but I also know their is another side to him. The other side is what made me run from him.  It's clear by the lyrics that my leaving hurt him, that he had loved me deeply. The thing is arks love isn't like regular love, he doesn't know how to love like other people. Ark was selfish , he could never love anyone the way they deserved to be loved.

I gesture to Ethan that I need the toilet, it's a lie I need a break. I can't hear anymore, the song is too much.i loiter near the ticket booth, I need to clear my head before I even consider going backstage.

"Rose" I look up and see Maggie staring at me in disbelief.

"Hi Maggie" I whisper.

"Is that really you, what are doing here"

"My friend wanted to come" I shrug.

"I'll go get you some back stage passes, the guys will be thrilled to see you"

"I'm already on the list"

"What"

"Ludo put us on the list"

"Wait hold up, you've spoken to ludo"

I nod "I saw him last night"

'Shit, I'd probably keep that to ,yourself if I were you. Well I had better so I'll see you backstage later yeah"

I pull out my cell and message Richard, he knows all the drama I've had with Ark so he will want to know what's going on. I send him a text.

Me - i'm at the Ryder show at the O2

I'm not eating long until he tries to call me, it's too loud in the arena so I can't answer I send another message.

Me - I have backstage passes

Richard - do not go back stage

Me - I have to

Richard - he hurt you, you cannot see him and be rational. Your not ready

Me - you underestimate me, I'll be fine

Richard - Rose don't do this to yourself, I know you like to pretend your ok and that your over him but your not.

I put my cell away, I know he's concerned but I really think I will be ok.

...........................

My palms are sweaty, I don't know if I can do this. I've been running from this for 2 years and now I'm willingly walking into the lions den.

"you can do this" ethan says as he squeezes my hand.

I nod, I know I can I'm just not sure I should. This has the word mistake written all over it.

I don't think I could ever be prepared to see ark again.

The door opens just as i ready myself to knock on it, I recognise the security man as Dean. It's clear that he recognises me too

"are you on the list"

"Rose Hart and ethan Dawson"

"Rose, your rose. Fuck me I haven't seen you in years"

"yeah it's me, so am I on the list"

"come in, it's good to see you. You look good"

"you too how's Annie"

"you remembered my wife's name" he sounds surprised

"she's great, pregnant again" he says as he rolls his eyes.

He hands us both a lanyard with a back stage pass attached we follow him down the busy hallway. I guess some things never change, the scene really is so familiar. I walk into the large room and it's like de javu. Robbie and Chad are sat on a small leather sofa with field lounged on their laps. I don't see ark or ludo in the busy room, I step in a help myself to a beer. Ethan doesn't take his eyes off me, he's watching me so he knows how to act. I stand against the wall and drink, it's very odd watch them from the outlines. I hope the women that are drapes on the men know their place and dont expect more out of this.

Robbiis eyes widen as he notices me, he almost jumps from his seat. Within seconds he is holding me in his arms, and once our hug has ended he props himself up against the wall. He looks me over me and smiles "you haven't changed"

"Neither have you , have you met my friend Ethan" I reply, he shakes Ethan's hand and pats his back.

"dude I can't belive your here, this is crazy"

"Chad get over here" he yells across the room. He gestures his arms widely until he finally gets chads attention.

I move so I'm facing the wall, robbii thinks it will be hysterical to play guess who.

Chad isn't in the mood to play, he moves in front of me so his back is against the wall.

"fucking hell, blast from the past" he hugs me tightly. He looks so different,his hair is gone and he's now got a long beard. I wonder if Ark has changed, I know his voice hasn't.

"What are you doing here" chad asks as he finally lets me go.

"I live here now"

"No way, that's why he couldn't find you"

"Can you believe it Geri" Robbii says as his wife joins us

Geri screams as she realises who I am, she pulls me into a hug. We had spent a fair bit of time together when I was travelling with the band, Geri would visit often with their kids and we had got on.

"hey hey, don't hog all the girls. Especially the blondes you know that's my type" I recognise the voice but even if I hadn't the look on Chad's face would have told me ark was approaching. It appears his womanising ways haven't changed that much. It seems like being married hasn't changed his ways I don't know why I thought it would.

Robbii and Chad grimace at eachother, they know the shit is about to hit the fan. the whole room is silent, everyone knows what's coming. Everyone apart from Ark.

"sorry my days of entertaining dick heads are over"