Entry Nine,
Leaving it all behind is never the answer but with my constant aching, it's hard to decide. I live to love, to exist, to be better or to at least try. I'm here because I've struggled, I've resisted and allowed myself to cry.... So many parts about my heart couldn't help but to shrivel up and die and my mind forced my body to comply but the concept of love isn't and never was a lie... I live to love, the answer won't ever be to commit suicide.
February 6, 2018
"Bet money."
"I'm not betting anything."
"Ight then, shut up."
I giggled. "I'm better than you at playing 2k, Hassan. Accept it." I referred to the video game, 2k15 NBA for Play station 3.
"Then put money on it and I promise, I'm settin' ma station up tonight jus ta whoop yo ass."
"Why isn't it already set up?"
"Fa the same reason you can't eva mind ya business." He responded.
I smirked as I heard faint shuffling erupt from his end of the line.
"What's ya name on there?"
Honestly, I didn't know a damn thing about playing that game or any video game for that matter but I loved seeing him flustered.
He claims he was a master at Madden, Halo and 2k so I got bored one day and decided to rock his confidence.
I was the biggest goof ball I knew and I knew claiming I was better than him at his dominated hobby would get a good rise out of him.
I didn't really know where Hassan worked but I knew he had a job that kept him busy most of the time but when he wasn't busy, he enjoyed the company of his play station.
He's been that way since we were younger.
He knew he was a beast when it came to play station, I just wanted to challenge that.
He had no idea of whether I was telling the truth or not but I had been talking trash all week about it and he finally became fed up and tried placing a bet.
Fifty dollars said that I'd beat him at 2k therefore winning the bet but a hundred dollars said vice versa.....
Real talk, That would be the easiest way I ever lost a hundred dollars so of course I told him I wasn't about to play him on there.
As of now, I was just sitting on the bus stop after coming from the mall. I bought a few things, ate a few hot pretzels and even copped a few numbers.
It was just a bit of alone time that I always dedicated to myself and basically doing me for however long I wanted to be alone for.
I did this often, it helps me remain in contact with myself as a person while shopping.
Hassan and I were slowly changing towards eachother.
He didn't call me as often as I'd liked but I realized he could easily not call me at all. He's certainly done it before which proved to me that he was indeed trying.
Today was just one of those days where he did call so that we would just stay on the phone together, conversing about bullshit.
"I ain't playin', lemme get ya username."
"No."
"Exactly, you a lie, you just speakin' that shit."
"I can do whatever I put my mind to and I know for a fact that I can beat your ass in 2k, now what?"
