Entry Eight,
I don't only exist for myself, but I also exist for other people as well. To guide, to show them what not to be. My life isn't only mine and he showed that to me... He said, we're in this together. Not just you, we. He said, say that word and I repeated it "We"... I'm not only breathing to live, I'm still here because he needs me. It's a shame ain't it? Ain't it a shame how god made us to be?
December 24, 2017
As far as my shift went, I was on the verge of clocking out. My body was telling me so and I doubt my mind could take anymore of this bullshit.
It's obvious any young girl coming up wouldn't dream of a life like this but shaking my naked ass center stage was the only way I knew how to make it out.
Though I was too far into this lifestyle to realize that the money wasn't worth comprising everything for, someday will be the day I build courage enough to stop.
But tonight, tonight had to be the most humiliating of all the nights I've worked. One of those nights that made me regret my decision severely.
I was now seated in my section of the locker room and I felt the need to take a quick glance at my reflection sitting in the mirror that came with my vanity.
I was a complete wreck over it all and today was suppose to be Christmas Eve, right?
"Drew?" I heard someone enter the room. "Drew, you okay?"
"I'm fine... You can go."
"Blocking me out ain't gon help you, I know-"
"I'm not fine, alondra and you know this!" I snapped. "I appreciate your concern but you can leave out, I'll be okay."
I heard her creep closer towards me. "Ginah's looking for you."
"Tell her to stop." I proceeded to take off my individual false lashes before I wiped the light eye make-up from my lids. "I said I'm good."
I heard the sound of her heels click, growing further and further away from me before the sound of them vanished completely.
Another glance into the mirror forced another tear out of me. I was an utter mess but it was evident to me that if I continued to dwell here and weep over my own pitty, there'd be more people pretending to care about what was wrong.
Now was the time I decided to make my escape.
I was now bare faced and dressed in some sweatpants accompanied by my wool sweater, hair wrapped nicely in a beanie.
Packing all of my personal belongings away before tucking them deep into my locker, I threw my multipurpose tote bag over my shoulder and left the dressing room.
The show room purposed for guests was totally trashed. Broken bottles, over turned tables and various liquids sprawled everywhere not all from my doing but I had a significant part in it.
I just wanted to get out of here for right now.
"DREW!"
I kept walking, my pepperspray clutched tight within my palm while hidden in the pocket of my coat in anticipation that anyone would try to harm me again.
The midnight snow sprinkling down upon me as I took the harsh wind as it came..... My face would surely fall off due to frost bite if I stayed out here another second.
"Hey, hey!" I felt a gentle touch try to grasp my attention.
"Let it go, Shanelle." I mumbled.
