Entry Three,
This was every night now.... I thought it'd end as soon as I began to admit I was the reason everything went wrong in your life but you still punished me. Beating me until I was no more.... Calling me a whore for staying out late when really, it was you I didn't want to come home to. It wasn't my fault I wasn't really yours but I loved you as if you were mine... It's just getting less and less everyday. I belong to another man, I know but daddy please, It's either you love me like you used to or let me go...... Just let me go.
June 15, 2014
I was curled up in the middle of my bed, listening to 'You Deserve' from August Alsina's album Testimony. His voice soothed my heart hence mellowing me out.
He reminded me so much of Hassan based off of their very similar appearance, attitude and the way their minds were set up alike. Which is partially why I was listening to him right now.
I missed Hassan.
Being that it was mid 2014, I didn't realize a full year had passed me by. School was now out and I was looking forward to becoming a sophomore next year as Hassan bumped up to becoming an upperclassman.
It seems that I wasn't really the main priority on his radar of late and I understood that. I wasn't a narcissist, I knew he had a life and numerous other people submerged within it.
I just wished he wouldn't completely shut me out when it came down to it. We've been on summer break for about two weeks now and I hadn't heard a peep from him.
I didn't wanna smother him since he told me the once that he was busy but damn, fam..... When did I get cut off?
I vowed not to text him until he texted me and even if he did, I'd wait two days until replying. Call me petty but I don't like being ignored.
In order to remove my mind from the constant thought of him, I listened to music. Okay, maybe the music I was listening to reminded me a lot of him but at least I wasn't stressing over whether to call him or not.
Instead, I decided to text someone else to distract me from the distraction that reminded me of Hassan, if that even made sense.
To Rasheed:
Hey Rasheeda!
I laid back, scrolling through my collection of books hidden within my 'iBooks' Application in attempt to find a decent book to read since no one wanted to talk to lonely old drew.
Opp, spoke too soon...
From Rasheed:
The fuck, what I told you bout calling me that?
To Rasheed:
I'm just kiddin' , sheed...
From Rasheed:
Keep playin wit me.... Wassup though?
To Rasheed:
Eh, just bored
From Rasheed:
Oh tru? That's how we feel now, only textin a nigga when we bored?
To Rasheed:
Texting goes both ways last time I checked, you better be happy your number is still locked into my shit.
From Rasheed:
Damn, so disrespectful....say your sorry.
To Rasheed:
I hope you aren't holding your breathe...
From Rasheed:
Keeeeep tryin meeee, yo. On god, you finna feel all this once school open up.
