B E T O N I T
"If you need anything, i got you. I'm always gonna be here for you. I just wanna see you happy, thats all that matters."
I shook my head disgusted in old memories. First Lei, then my brother. I was running out of options, but most importantly i ran out of friends. Nobody really had me like they said they would.
Lei head was stuck so far up her own ass, i knew she was smelling her shit for next week. It took nothing but a second to realize, Landon was calling me a hoe.
Its real funny when you think muthafuckas got you, but in reality they don't. I smiled throwing my head down, i wasn't upset with neither of them.
I had planned for this day, the day id realize who had me and who didn't. You know the saying "You came in to this world alone, you'll die alone?" Somebody was right.
I went home immediately; i packed me a small bag, with a small amount of clothes. I wasn't mad, but i also couldn't live under the same roof as my stress.
Kadei wanted to get away for a lil bit, have some alone time with herself. Or someone other then the few she chose to surround herself around.
Lately i haven't been making good choices, she pondered taking a small break. She was becoming tired more quicker now, and things felt so different.
I was changing; my mind became so shallow, nothing mattered. However i did learn two things out of all this.. fuck friends and family they ain't shit.
"And that's real" She agreed.
She took a small breath, then stood to her feet. Kadei knew where she was going, and in her mind it felt like the best thing yet.
As she closed the trunk to her car, Landon finally pulled up. He had his head hanging out the window staring at his sister.
"The fuck is she doing?" He asked himself, noticing that she had just tossed her duffle bag and over night bag into the trunk of her car.
Landon shook his head knowing exactly what game she was going to play. So he childishly pulled into the driveway blocking her in. "D what's going on?"
I laughed running my fingers through my hair, not today Landon not to fucking day. "Wow you are so petty for this shit" I addressed his ways.
He looked back at his car then back at her. "I learned that shit from you, my petty ass baby sister" He scoffed standing in front of her.
Kadei rolled her eyes harder then she had ever done before, I will not fight with my brother. I won't say anything mean, I won't purposely put my hands on him.
"Please move your car" I asked ignoring his first insult, normally i don't do that; but im giving him a chance. "I'll move my car when you explain where you going" He questioned me and my actions.
I shook my head reaching for my car door pulling it open letting my body fill into my driver seat. I placed the key into the ignition turning it forward hearing the beep from my door still being open.
Landon held onto my door not letting me close it, we faught over that for a few seconds. When both of us realized this wasn't going to end, I got out.
"You don't have to play father to me Landon, I'm grown and whatever way I choose to go is my damn business." I expressed angrily.
He always felt he was my dad when i decided to do things my way. When i wasn't asking for help, when I wanted to expand my life a little further.
"It's my business to when you fucking making dumb ass decisions, you think I like playing the daddy role?!" He barked furrowing his eyebrows at me.
I threw my hands up. "It's obvious you don't like playing the role as my brother either! so go in the house and mind YO fucking business" There i said it, its out there and i don't fucking care.
"Oh so you mad? it's not my fault you fucked yo ex lil brother, and now you fucking pregnant for his ass!" Landon was pressing all the right buttons today, yes indeed.
I stood there staring at him, if looks could kill; naa if my kindness could cut throats. "I'm glad you feel that way Landon, I used to think the worst nigga in my life was daddy" I said laughing shaking my head.
"He taught you so much, how to be careless, selfish and a sick confused family bitch!" I spat with gritted teeth, all of this could have been avoided.
The whole time Kadei expressed how she felt, she kept the same smile on her face that she had when she woke this morning. Being mad was irrelevant to her.
She understood that being mad would do absolutely nothing for her. She knew the truth would always set you free and what better way then to be free right?
She knew her brother was very upset with her, but she also felt he didn't have to act so disgusted with her. If no one had her back he should have... regardless.
"I'm a bitch now?" He nodded running his hands over his mouth. "But you the bitch with a baby!" Kadei instantly started laughing, she felt so tickled on the inside. "Niggas never fail to amaze me" She mentioned.
"The fuck you expect?" Landon retorted smartly. Kadei thought his attitude was funny to her, she fell over laughing once again. Her laugh then broke ending with a full straight face.
"I expected you to be my brother, someone I'd have when I had nobody else" I stressed looking at him. "I don't mind the truth, but then it just got disrespectful!" I added.
"And that's where you lost me" I finished. "I lost you? na you lost me!" Landon yelled marching off to his car. "No you lost me maybe hearing that shit a second time will give you some good use" I said sitting back into my seat.
"Good use for what?" Landon paused in his steps. "I don't know, what you do with that is your business" I replied starting my car, putting the gear into reverse.
"I guess i see shit more clear now" He spoke looking down at her. Kadei took a silent breath and opened her Hazel eyes. "I guess I do to" She agreed without looking at him.
Landon glared at her for a few minutes more, he then proceeded to his car backing out of the driveway smashing off down the street. Dramatic Kadei thought, but once again it didn't matter.
"Im worried about me and me only now"
She laid low in a hotel room for a few days, right up until it was time for her to return to the third doctors appointment. Terrified gleamed through her evenly toned pregnancy pores, every minute after the next she felt she would faint.
"Is everything alright?" Dr. Highland asked. The look upon her face gave him a look of uncertainty. Although dealing with surprise pregnancies and scared new mothers was and is apart of his job.
He felt it wasn't anything a talk couldn't fix. "I-i don't know if I can do this.." Kadei stuttered. "How do you know that?" Dr. Highland asked in return. "I-i just can't, it's not right. It's just not the way I wanted it to happen" She said.
"I can't be a mom" She sobbed.
Right now I needed help, and I couldn't think of one person I could call. So far all of the people I confided in were mad at me, there was only person who'd kill for time...so I did what I had to do and called him up.
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C-C O M M E N T
