Chrysalism

-chapter thirty-four-

New York, New York. August 15th, 2017. Stark Studios. 12:38 PM.

"Run it again," Peaches, the sound engineer spoke into Malone's headset. She sighed and nodded, letting the music run into her ears again, a slow rock beat filled her mind and she took a breath to start singing.

"Nothing here to see, just a kid like me, trying to cut some teeth, trying to figure it out. Nothing better to do when I'm stuck on you, I'm still in here trying to figure it out," she sang. The bags under her eyes had started to darken from lack of sleep, and her voice was raspy from smoking a pack of cigarettes a day. Her life had started to spiral out of control, but Kenny and Ryan were on the spiral with her, and none of them could stop each other. Cole had been the heartbeat of the band, the one that held everybody together, and without him, they all saw their world crashing down. The band only decided to finish the album so the world could hear Cole's voice and guitar parts for the rest of their lives. The chorus of the song Malone was recording kicked in, and Cole's backup vocals came through her headphones. She tried to sing her line, but no sound came out. Out of frustration, she ripped the headphones off of her head and walked swiftly out of the studio, grabbing a pack of cigarettes off of the table as she passed it, walking quickly towards an open window. Ryan and Kenny turned and looked at her sadly as she lit the cigarette and took a long drag.

"I can't do it," she whispered.

"You have to," Kenny responded.

"I don't have to do shit," she spat back. She took her lit cigarette and left the studio, walking quickly out onto the small balcony where she had spoken to her father the night she met him. She stepped out and expected to be alone, but Tony seemed to be waiting for her. "You here to force me back in there?"

"Nope," he replied, motioning for her to sit across from him. "Just checking on you."

"I have a Dad, Mr. Stark. You don't have to parent me."

"You're an adult, Malone. Now more than ever. Stop calling me sir."

"Fine, Tony. I don't need someone checking on me. I'm fine," she rolled her eyes and took a drag from her cigarette.

"You're not fine, Malone. You broke up with Bucky-,"

"I broke up with him because he treated me like a child. Just like you're doing to me right now," she said, standing from the chair and walking back into the studio. She walked past her bandmates without looking at them and put the headphones back on, shooting Peaches a look. He started playing the music again, and Malone disassociated just enough so she could record the song and get it over with.

___

Malone's Bedroom. 8:28 PM.

The band spent the entire day in the studio, trying their best to finish the album without ripping each other's heads off. Malone had returned to her bedroom and locked the door, desperately trying to get some alone time, but that thought was interrupted by a knock on her door. She groaned and got up, opening the door to find Steve standing there, hands stuffed in his pockets.

"If you're here to be Bucky's mouthpiece, I don't want to hear it," she huffed, crossing her arms.

"He won't even talk to me," Steve sighed. "He won't come out of his apartment, hell, I don't even know if he's in there."

Malone stared down Steve, trying to get inside his head to figure out why he had come, but due to her low energy and terrible state of mind, it was more difficult than usual to read his thoughts.

"Can I come in?" Steve asked softly. Malone sighed and moved aside, closing the door behind them. They sat side by side on the edge of Malone's bed, neither of them saying a word. "I, uh, I did want to tell you something."

"What?"

Steve took a deep breath and lifted his head to look at the girl sitting next to him. "I know what he's thinking, we've been best friends for a hundred years. You have to know that he's equally as angry at the team as he thinks he is at you. Truthfully, he's mad at himself. I overheard your fight, accidentally. He didn't mean what he said to you-,"

"But he said it."

"I know, Malone. I know. But his only focus in life is keeping you safe. And we all contributed to what happened, and we hate to see you both so upset."

"Steve," Malone started, her voice wavering. "This isn't about Bucky."

Steve sighed and hung his head. "You're right, it's not. I needed to come to check on you for my own sanity. Are you okay?"

Malone looked at her lap, letting a few tears fall as she shook her head. "He's gone, Steve. My best friend, he's gone," she started crying harder, bringing her hands to her face. He rested a hand on her shoulder to comfort her, frowning. "I-I don't know what I'm supposed to do with myself. I don't have any way to move on, I can't move on without him. I need him, Steve."

"I know, I know," Steve whispered as Malone leaned into him, sobbing loudly. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and let her cry, rocking her back and forth. She cried for hours, finally letting the realization of not having Cole hit her fully. Steve stayed with her until she had cried herself to sleep, and he pulled a blanket over her after resting her head on a pillow. He carefully got up from the bed and left the room, closing the door behind him as he wiped a few tears of his own.

"Rogers?" A gruff voice called from the living room as Steve walked past. He turned and forced a grin as he came face to face with a red-faced Bill. "How is she?"

"Uh, well. It just hit her. She's asleep now, wore herself out, but I don't think it'll be pretty when she wakes up."

"It's hitting us all at different times, this new life we'll have to lead without him," Bill whispered. Steve gently put a hand on the man's shoulder and smiled softly at him.

"It's times like these we have to lean on those around us."

"I don't know if any one of us has enough strength to support the others," Bill replied. "Don't be a stranger, Rogers. Come up any time."

Steve smiled as Bill walked away from him and into Cole's destroyed room. He turned to walk towards the elevator but took one last look at the usually silent apartment. The band barely talked to each other anymore, or the team. They spent all of their free time in their own bedrooms, Ryan staring at the ceiling, Kenny rewatching old videos of the band and crying, Malone either sleeping or smoking, and Bill silently sitting in Cole's old room praying. The emptiness they felt without Cole was tearing them apart as a family.