Bad Kind of Butterflies ♧ DazaiXReaderXDOA

16. Breakdown

"Let me go!"

You push yourself away from Dazai, forcing the pretty brunette male to let go of you, a look of shock all over his face as you create a significant distance between you two more aggressively than you have before. In the spur of the moment, a small metal poker chip falls out of one of the hidden pockets in the outfit you were wearing that didn't belong to you in the first place, and it clinks with the ground, a tiny piece of it chipping off.

"You can't touch me like that, you can't...I can't like anyone else's warmth...only...only..." you trail off, out of breath, hands shaking as you look at them out in front of you meant to stop Dazai.

This body doesn't feel like mine anymore...

Was it ever?

You then watch as the fallen poker chip grabs Dazai's attention, both your gazes following the small coin as it lands near his shoes. He bends down curiously and holds it up to his face, eyes narrowing curiously. From the chipped area, a little spark hardly noticeable zaps near the detective's fingers, a flash of confusion and shock going through his face.

The new casino chips...why do I feel that he wasn't supposed to find it?

I've messed up...they'll be mad...

I can't let him keep it.

"Who do you work for, [f/n]?" Dazai asks you slowly, his gaze pulled away from the coin to you slowly.

"The manager of course...and erm, that's casino property so I actually need that back..."

Making no sign that he was going to give you the coin, Dazai ignores your request as he now plays with it in his hands, tilting his head at you, eyes dark.

"Is your manager Russian? Do you guys always get your supplies from them?"

"No but-"

"No? So these metallic chips...there's something built inside them. Did you know that? Are they a part of something else? Is Sly Casino hiding something after all? Have you not heard a word I've said about getting caught up in things you don't understand?"

Frozen up, with one arm at your side and one arm extended out still asking for the coin, you ask with more determination for it back, eyebrows furrowed with impatience. The alcohol in you still influenced your balance, and every now and then you'd stagger a bit, though you tried your best to look more stable and stern in front of Dazai.

"Give me the chip back Dazai."

"No."

"I'm not asking. Give it back now, that is casino property-"

"This could help us both! You came here to escape whatever paradox you are facing right now, and I found you, and now there's this...you need help, [f/n], and it's ok-"

"NO! Just give the stupid chip back Dazai! You don't understand, you don't see what I see or hear all the problems I do. Just give it back, please. I can't let you have it!"

Your senses are all on overdrive, and under any other circumstances you would have ceded and let your heart tell it's tale, but loyalty wasn't the only thing Fyodor Dostoevsky had engraved in every part of your body and soul. Control of your own ability, control of your own pleasure and pain...

You weren't going to give Dazai the ability to pull your mind back in more doubt and turmoil than it has always been in under the decay of angels, not when you had Fyodor promising you of relief and release.

"Calm down, it's ok. You don't have to fight me and yourself-" Dazai tells you softly, walk forward, placing the poker chip in his pocket as you eye all his actions anxiously.