Bad Kind of Butterflies ♧ DazaiXReaderXDOA

11. Consequences

There isn't much you regret in your life.

Sure, there are always things you would have done differently looking back, but you believe there's a reason behind everything. Knowing the decay of angels made that clear. However, you didn't regret anything more than what was happening now.

No, it wasn't kissing Dazai that you regret. Nothing compared to that rush, to the feel of his lips on yours and the way his hands went to cup your face. Regret was the last thing on your mind as he held you, backed up against a wall as you ran your hands through his hair. That moment holds a special place in your mind, the heat accompanied by a fire lit in both your bodies.

It was intoxicating.

What is it that you regret then?

What happened after you decided to let go, after your beating hearts fell in so much sync, they played like drums as you fell on Dazai's bed with him on top, ready to pin you down. It was too much too fast, and as soon as you stopped the rhythm, pushing Dazai before it went further, you burned up and ran out, touching your lips with your eyes wide as you frantically trying to fix your hair. Everything felt like a mystifying blur, and as you were closing Dazai's hotel room door, you didn't notice someone catching you.

You regret being caught.

Specifically by Sigma.

"[f/n]? What are you doing here?" The sweet, tall, manager asks, causing you to stop in your tracks.

All colour drains from your face as you turn around; however, at the same time, Dazai's room door opens up, revealing the brunette looking at you with a hungry desire in his chocolate brown eyes swirling with golden rays of the setting sun. Your eyes move from Sigma to Dazai, and soon both of their gazes meet in serious question.

You dress your face with a painfully obvious nervous smile and focus your attention on Sigma, who had let his light eyes wander back on you.

"Someone just needed help in their hotel room. I just got out of cleaning..." you lie with difficulty, trying to send Dazai a signal of 'don't say anything'.

"But that isn't part of your job...? Why would you-"

"She's afraid of telling you the truth, aren't you [f/n]?" Dazai's voice sails through the tension between the three of you and pulls on it with a sing-song tone, unafraid of how his words would affect you or the situation.

You feel yourself blush, crossing your arms across your chest in anger.

What are you doing Dazai?

"What is he talking about?" Sigma asks, walking closer to you, an eyebrow raised.

"Nothing" you quickly say, hoping to stop this interaction from going further. Dazai, on the other hand, seemed to have other plans.

"[f/n] wants to have some real fun, she wants to have a real purpose. She was just spending time with someone that truly wants to know her."

Dazai, shut up!

Sigma scrunches his noes in apparent distaste as he looks Dazai up and down, then looks at you with a hand placed on his hips.

"Maybe It's none of my business..." The manager says with a lowered voice, stepping closer to you before continuing talking, trying to keep out of earshot of Dazai.

"You know how risky this is, don't you? Letting anyone get so close...I trust you, [f/n], but we have to-"

"Protect Sky Casino, which includes ourselves. You always say that, I know. I haven't done or said anything wrong." You interrupt Sigma, trying to stop yourself from raising your voice.

Damnit.

"Your ability could change that. If he asks the right questions and you go on overdrive like that time with Dostoevsky-"

"That won't happen. He's just a man in a casino."

"You forget that I know everyone that comes in here. Osamu Dazai is not just anyone."

"Mister managerrrr, are you done telling her what to do?" Dazai calls out, dramatically exasperated. When you glance in his direction in alarm, you see the gleam in his eyes that tells you he's only taunting the both of you, and he isn't surprised at all at the way things were turning out.

You knew, didn't you?

Sigma knows you're dangerous...but I don't think he knows your exact motivations...

"Dazai, stop. I'll see you another time. Sigma just ignore him, please." You beg, trying to walk away, move in and pretend this didn't just happen.

"She doesn't trust her own decisions...but she trusts you even less, Sigma. Someone made her doubt, and now...who knows where her loyalties lie? You can't control a wild card." Dazai chuckles, leaning on the door frame, his smile menacing as he talks and glares at sigma, turning into a hidden smirk when he looks at you.

"I'll see you soon [f/n], I know you felt the same way I did together...free."

Before you have a chance to react, Dazai closes his door with a lock, and you're left staring in terror as you force yourself to face Sigma again.

"What are you playing at, [f/n]? If anyone finds out anything about the Decay of Angels-"

"They won't! That was nothing. He just likes to play games."

"That wasn't nothing, I'm not stupid. Being around Dostoevsky makes you realize when people are playing at something to win. I don't know what you were doing with him, and I don't know why, but I don't want you to get hurt...Fyodor knows you inside and out, he'll know if you're endangering our situations."

As Sigma talks he walks past you, and you are forced to follow and hear the end of his lecture. There is fear in his voice, a harsh reality you tried to hide away from. You knew Dazai wanted to use you for ulterior motives, but his primary goal was starting to shine through all the plays.

He wants to make me choose. My secrets, the secrets of this casino, or the life that he promises.

Stopping at the door before entering the actual casino area, Sigma abruptly stops, and you almost bump into his back. Taking a step away as he turns around, you feel your heart skip a beat. The young man's hair falls behind him gracefully as he takes both your hands gently, a pleading gaze in his light eyes.

"After the few years that have passed, I care about you. You're valuable to this casino and we have lived well. Don't make this difficult. Please. We'll both get into trouble."

Nothing in his expression tells you he's lying, or that he has any double meaning in his words. They are simple and true, and once again you feel that pit of regret and pangs of conscience.

I shouldn't have gotten caught with Dazai...

It was only a moment of weakness because of Nikolai Gogol.

There are too many ideas in my head now and I don't know which ones are mine.

I won't let them make me choose. There is nothing wrong going on...

Right?