To the White Wolf | Fenrys (ToG)

Chapter 1 (Fenrys POV)

(A/N): This will probably be the only chapter I do from the main storyline in Fenrys' POV but here is the first chapter in his POV.  I cried a bit writing this, hope you all enjoy :') And since I am on spring break, my college is shut down, and I am in the writing mood, I am open to any writing suggestions!

All day long I had this odd feeling in my chest that had me looking around as if I would turn a corner and see something. Or someone. Each set of footsteps had my eyes darting. Each voice had my attention.

It was as if my chest was getting pulled taunt by a thread. It reminded me of my time around Kya in Doranelle, but I knew that she had no reason to be here. Did I want her here? I wasn't sure because the Kya I knew was cold and miserable, which was understandable due to her history, but I didn't know if she would be the same if she came here. She would no longer be attached to Maeve so maybe I would see the female I had only often got glimpses of: the Kya laughing with Connall until tears filled in her eyes. The Kya that was shy to sing in front of others but had a voice of a siren. The Kya that would argue with Lorcan when Maeve wasn't around until she was read in the face and snorting with laughter.

Did I miss her? I heaved out a sigh as I replaced my running shoes with boots before I went to visit Aelin and Rowan to discuss a letter I received from the Witch Kingdom about their current state. That damned question continued to ring in my head. Fuck, I missed a lot of people, but it was easy to mourn them with the way I had lost them. How could I mourn her if she was never mine, I had no reason to care for her, and I didn't even know where she was or what she was doing?

I tied my boots before leaving my room to search for Aelin.

Of course you have a reason to care about her you big headed idiot. Are you forgetting the large possibility that she is your mate? Yeah, but a mate that rejected me.

I was so confused when it came to her. She was completely out of my life yet every part of myself told me I was missing her and that I should sail to Doranelle to find her. Then there was a part of me that said that she was fine and wanted nothing to do with me. That I should mind my damned business and let her be.

Today was one of those days where my mind begged to look for her. I tried to blame it on curiosity. I imagined searching for her, finally finding her, and pretending that we had run into each other on accident. I smiled at the thought. Maybe we could finally talk freely without the fear of Maeve.

"What the hell are you smiling about?" Aedion asked me on my walk to find Aelin.

I shook my head but the smile remained, "I can't smile without a reason?"

He huffed out a laugh, "you're smiling like you're in love. What's their name?"

"Shut the hell up."

"Interesting name. Your last name will definitely fit well with it," Aedion seemed proud of himself at that joke. My mood was light today, I had a new sense of hope for some reason. It was a blessing really, these past few days I found myself feeling low. I couldn't help the ache I felt when I randomly thought of the brother I lost and I didn't know who to turn to for help. Rowan and Aelin had each other, Lorcan was never the sentimental type, and Aedion was mourning his own loss.

On days I felt sad, I kept to myself. I think that I did a good job of hiding my sadness too.

"Have you seen Aelin? I want to give her an update from Manon," I asked. One of the things I've always liked about the queen's cousin was his ability to switch between his light hearted humor and his serious side. He knew how to get things done while keeping things entertaining.

"Her and Rowan are in the gardens."

I nodded my thanks before I found myself on quick feet heading towards the gardens. I got distracted talking with Micheal, a guard with a bit of fae in him, when that taunt in my chest grew tighter. I was being physically pulled in a direction.