The Desperate Marriage

The Distance

(Kabanata 39 )

The scariest thing about distance is that you don't know whether they'll miss you or forget you.

~Nicholas Sparks, (The Notebook, #1)~

***

Jamie POV

Nathaniel,

I know that we experience this kind of conflicts and roughness at the early stage of our marriage. I understand that, what I need to know is how you'll accept me as the big part of your life. You just only said, you need time to think all the problems that you wanted to keep it first. I guess I'm giving you that freedom to think about it. You know how much I love you. I've tried so hard to understand you but it failed mesirably. Coz I really don't know how to, when you didn't give me some reasons. I respect your decision, its just that I can't bear to see you losing out of temper, hurting those people around and so on.. I hope you understand. This isn't goodbye, honey. This is spacing you out for you to realize what do you want in your life. Still, I'm your wife. Nothing can change that. And I love you so much.

I'm just here even if I am far away from you.. Just tell me when you're ready. I needed time too.

I love you so dearly..

Lovelots,

~ Zea~

**

I crumpled the paper, written by my wife. I wonder how is she now. I scoffed at myself for being such a stupid ever. A while ago, nagising ako kanina na wala na siya sa aking tabi. I asked her parents where is she but her Mom gave me that letter secretly.

"Just give a little time for my daughter, Nathaniel. Let her be. She will come back to you, trust me."

She advice me when I leave the house. She told me that she's now in New York with her Mama Janna.

I understand Mom Emily, as a mother figure she would definitely prioritize her daughter's feelings. And all I can do is to understand them.

Now, I felt so empty and alone. Hindi naman siguro ako lang ang may sitwasyong ganito. I am being unfair, pero natatakot lang ako na baka kapag nalaman niya ang totoo ay bigla na lamang niya akong iwan. Iniisip ko pa lang ay masisiraan na ako ng bait. I can't bear to see my wife with someone else. I love her so much and I'm willing to jump at the tall bridge and skyscrapers just to win her heart again.

But my wife is right, maybe we need time and space to breathe. Ang hirap, hindi niya ako magawang intindihin because of my damn fault. Wala akong magawa dahil kailangan ko ng lakas para sabihin sa kanya ang totoo. Hindi ko pa kaya. Natatakot ako sa posibleng mangyari.

"You seems miles away from here, Jamie. Where's Zea?"

Dad asked me wearily. I came here in the mansion for a visit. Mom was asking me to come here few days ago.

I sighed and looked at him blankly.

"She's on a vacation. Anyway where's Mom?"

"Nasa kwarto."

Dad was scrutinizing me with his pale blue eyes. Ibinaba niya ang newspaper at itinuon ang atensyon sa akin. I looked away and sip my coffee.

"Vacation without you? Mabuti at pumayag ka naman. Dati-rati, you never let your wife out of your sight."