Unti-unti niyang ibinaba at tinanggal ang pag kakapit niya ng mahigpit sa braso ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit sa dahan dahan niyang pag kawala ng kamay ko, ay kasabay din nito ang bagsak ng mga luha mula sa aking mga mata.
Ano ba'yan! Ibinaba lang yung kamay, umiyak na.
"I'm sorry, Hailey," he said. Hearing those words from his voice convinced me that he's really sorry. Hindi ko maiwasan na mapatingin sa kanya. Ang ulo niya ay nakayuko pero nakikita ko pa rin kung gaano kalakas ang pag agos ng kanyang mga luha.
"Sorry... pasensya na. H-hindi ko alam, wala akong ideya. K-kung hindi ko man lang naisip yung mga bagay na ginawa mo para sa akin," he added. "Pasensya na sa mga oras na punong-puno ka ng pag asa na... baka maaalala kita. That, finally after spending too much time making me realize of what I've been missing. That, I will recognize you. Na, sana hindi kana nahirapan. Hindi na kita pinahirapan," pag papatuloy niya.
Hindi ko alam pero tingin ko... mas nawawasak ako ngayon. Kasi nakikita ko siya sa ganitong posisyon. Ayoko, ayokong tignan ka.
"Patawarin mo ako sa mga panahon na sinayang ko. Ang dami, hindi ko na mabilang," he said habang wala ni isang galaw na ginawa sa kanyang katawan. "Pero maniwala ka, hinanap kita. Palagi kong iniisip na hanapin ka ng hanapin, pero hindi ko namalayan na katabi na pala kita. Katabi ko na pala yung babaeng hinahanap ko, matagal na. Hindi ko namalayan... Hindi ko namalayan," ani niya. Totoo pala yun 'no? Yung minsan hanap pa tayo ng hanap, pero hindi man lang natin napansin, yung mga taong malapit sa atin.
"Yes, I've dated few girls before. I admit that, I won't hide that fact from you. But trust me, si-sinusubukan ko kasing kalimutan ka. Iniisip ko na baka sa ganoong paraan, magagawa ko nang kalimutan ka. That I will be able to forget you," he said his voice is full of regrets right now.
"But... fuck, sa bawat titig ko sa mga babaeng 'yun, ikaw yung naaalala ko. Palaging pumapasok sa sistema ko na dapat hanapin kita. That I should not settle for less," he said while full of deflection. "Because you're there. You are the only one for me."
Pero minsan, ganun talaga eh. We tend to settle for less, by not thinking we can settle for more.
Hinarap niya ako. Pag tingin ko sa kanya, wala akong ibang nakita kung hindi, tiredness, regrets, disappointment, and love. Parehas na parehas kami ng sitwasyon ngayon. In short word, napapagod na kami sa isa't isa.
"Sorry... kung naisip mo na hindi kita naalala, Hailey ko."
Umiling ako at hindi nag dalawang isip na tumakbo para yakapin siya. Oo, nasasaktan ako. Ang sakit, sakit. Pero, anung magagawa ko? Mahal ko siya eh. Minamahal ko siya. Tanga na kung tanga.
We were crying here. Crying at each other's shoulder. Embracing this hug without thinking what is happening right now. Without thinking the pain and lost we've cost to each other.
"Pero... alam mo ba, na sa bawat sakit at pag hihirap na 'yun. Wala pa rin akong ibang inisip kundi ang hanapin ka. Wala eh... Mahal na mahal kita. Parang yung sistema ko ay sinasabing ikaw lang talaga. Na... kahit ano ang mangyari, ikaw pa rin ang pipiliin ko," I said while still hugging him. I can't stop hugging him.
I just can't.
Mas lalo siyang umiyak at hinigpitan ang yakap sakin. He is like a crying baby right now.
"Kasi at the end of the day, wala ka rin namang kasalanan. It's not your fault, not even a bit. Maybe, I was just driven by my emotions and pain followed up. And to think of it, hindi mo naman ako sinabihan na gawin ang mga bagay na yun. To... move like a desperate," I said habang yakap-yakap ko parin siya. Papa G, ayoko ng bumitaw dito.
I feel like he is moving his head. "No, no. Don't say that, Hailey. No... " He said at umiiyak parin. I smile bitterly as I open my eyes.
Unti-unti kong ginalaw ang aking katawan. Kumalas ako sa yakap, kahit alam ko na pinipigilan niya. Dahil alam kong ayaw pa niyang kumawala kami sa yakap na 'to.
Nasa harap ko siya ngayon. Pulang pula na ilong, mugtong mga mata at basang mukha. Ganyan mo kami mai de-describe ngayon.
"Ako kasi... mahal kita." I said habang titig na titig sa kanyang mga mata. "Sobrang mahal lang talaga kita. Siguro noong mga bata pa tayo ay hindi pa ganito kalalim ang nararamdaman ko para sa'yo. Pero kasi... the moments we've both shared is something that makes me fall in love with you more. 'Yung pag mamahal ko... ikaw lang ang nakakuha dati pa," I said while wiping his tears.
"That is why I chose to love you. I chose to give it all. And I didn't think of you. I've expected a return that time. A return, but not on any material things. But..." I stop. And fixed myself.
"To return the love that I think I deserve," I said.
Yumuko ako. Hindi ko siya kayang tignan. I was so selfish. All I could think back then was to make him fall in love with me. At ang sakit... ang sakit mag laro ng tadhana 'no?
Opening doors, but you don't know that those doors will only hurt you.
"Pero mali pala. Mali ako," pag-amin ko.
Napatingin siya pero binalewala ko lang 'yun.
"Dapat pala, kapag mahal ka... mahalin mo lang. Don't expect that person to give the same thing or feelings to you," I said and wipe his tears again. Oo alam ko. Ang dami mo nang pinag daanan Ricci. Pero siguro, parte ng buhay 'to.
"Kasi dapat, pag nag mahal ka, mahalin mo lang. Huwag kang umasa na maibabalik sa iyo yung pag mamahal. Kasi after all, ikaw lang naman ang nag mahal." I said while smiling at saying tone bitterly.
But, dapat sa mga bawat sakit na 'yun eh may matutunan tayo. Para pag pumasok tayo sa bagong pinto, we won't commit the same mistakes like before.
Inayos ko ang buhok niya. Pinag pagan ko yung suit niya at tiningala yung mukha niya. Just enough to face me.
"Ngayon... siguro kailangan muna natin ng oras at panahon. Panahon para mag hilom ang mga sugat natin na meron tayo, at oras. Oras para makapag isip isip sa mga bagay na nagawa natin. To think of a right way or solution sa situation natin,"
"Babalik tayo sa dati, Wicci. Kailangan mo-natin maniwala," I said and smile at him.
His eyes... it's telling me not to let go. Not to let him go.
I saw Tita Aby in my gaze. She is crying silently while covering her mouth. When she notice me, she looked shocked. Ngumiti ako at lumapit sa kanya.
Hindi pa ako nakakapag salita when she embrace me with a hug. It's different. I feel so comfortable. It is a mother hug, love instead.
"I'm so proud of you anak, I love you and sorry." She said. Nagulat ako sa mga sinabi niya. Why tita is saying sorry to me suddenly? Out of nowhere.
"Tita... There is no need for that po. You've done everything for us and I am so thankful po. Wala po kayong kasalanan," I said to break our hug moments.
"But Tita, I have to go na po talaga. Kita po tayo next time ha? Love you po," I said and nag beso kami.
I took small steps, walking away from the man whom I love the most.
It was painful, but somehow... it's worth it.
He's worth it.
"Wicci!" I shouted. His eyes widened and keeps its focus to me. I smiled.
"Oras at panahon ha? Mahal na mahal kita."
This day seems to different. A good different tho.
~
I dedicated this chapter to ainnnnaaa_crixiaaa! Thank you so much for reading and voting my story. Lovelots! ❤
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A Promise
Fanfiction"A promise. If it's not fulfilled... then it is not a promise." 'The words kept popping in Hailey's head over and over again when she heard the name Ricci Rivero. It was because she tried to confess her love for that man before. But, it did not agre...
