Didn't Mean to Fall in Love

Chapter 13

I woke up to the sun shining in my eyes. Crap, I forgot to close my blinds last night. Oh my God last night. Matt. I sat up fast as the memories of last night flashed through my mind. I started to cry again as I fell back onto my bed and stared at the ceiling as my tears began to blur my vision.

I should have seen it coming. People don't just change.

I closed my eyes and fell asleep again. 

I'm not sure how long I was asleep for, but I woke up to someone knocking on my bedroom door. I opened my eyes slowly and stared at the door for a second. More knocking.

"What?" I said softly.

"Nicki, it's 5 in the afternoon, you've been sleeping way too long." came Jake's concerned voice.

"Go away." I mumbled. 

"Nicki," Jake said again. I didn't say anything. He tried to open my bedroom door but it was locked. I heard him walk away. I turned over and reached for my phone on my night stand.

I turned it on. I ignored every call, every voicemail, every text message and any other form of communication that was labeled 'Matt.' I saw a million calls from Kristen as well. I didn't feel like answering. I didn't feel like doing anything really. Except for crying. And sleeping - it made me forget. And so that's what I did. Next thing I knew, it was Sunday afternoon. I slept for more than a day. I hadn't left my room. I hadn't talked to anyone - except for a few words with Jake. 

Again, I had woken up to Jake's constant knocking. 

"Nicki, if you don't open the door, I swear I'll knock it down." Jake said firmly. I got up slowly. I was hungry anyway. Not eating for 24 hours does that to you. I opened the door to Jake's stunned face. I guess he didn't think I would open in it. I glanced at him and then walked passed him. He turned and followed me down the stairs. 

When I got downstairs I poured a bowl of cereal and began eating it silently. I stared at the bowl, completely zoned out, but I could feel Jake's eyes on me.

"Nicki it's - it's not your fault." Jake said. Was this his way of soothing me? I continued to eat my cereal and I ignored this statement. I scooped the last spoonful into my mouth. I put my plate in the sink and walked towards the stairs.

"Nicki." Jake said again. "You can't just lock yourself in your room forever." I turned to him.

"I don't know what else to do." I said quietly, starting to tear up again.

"Nicki, you'll get through this." he said softly.

"No. No, I can't handle -" my voice cracked so I didn't continue. I shook my head. Tears were falling faster now. I have never been a cry-er. What is happening to me? I turned and ran up the stairs before Jake could say anymore. I took a shower and went back to sleep. 

I opened my eyes to the worst-feeling Monday ever. I don't want to go to school. I don't want to see Matt. I don't want to think about any of this. Reluctantly, I got up and got ready. 

When I got downstairs I was met with the sight of my parents.

"Nicole, it's good to see you." my mother said too formally. "How was everything while we were gone?" she asked. I shook my head. Breakfast wasn't worth this conversation so I just went to Jake's car and waited for him there. My mom stared after me, confused at my silence. 

The ride to school was silent. I don't think Jake knew what to say and I definitely wasn't in the mood to talk. 

"I'll see you later." I said quietly to Jake as I left him to head towards my locker. He just nodded. I opened my locker slowly and did what I needed to do. Everything felt much slower. Much more depressing.