Getaway

Chapter 22

“Well, well, well Nell,” Mum said, “you really have changed haven’t you?”

I settled down on the couch and tried to ignore the ice in my Mum’s tone, she stared at me as I stayed silent, fiddling with the frayed sleeve of my jumper.

“Are you not going to say anything?” she asked eventually.

“I’m waiting for you to say something,” I replied.

“Say what though, Nell? Have you thought about that?” she said.

“I’m waiting for an explanation.”

“For what?”

“For what?” I exclaimed, and I could feel the volume of my voice steadily rising, “for leaving, for walking out of the door without a second thought about me and Kyle, for not being there for me when I needed you, for leaving without saying a word, without a warning, without a care.”

Mum remained scarily calm. She reminded me of an ice queen, separated from my anger, from my rage. As if nothing I did would make her feel anything. I sank back into the couch in defeat.

“You just don’t care do you?” I said.

“Of course I care,” she told me.

“Well it doesn’t seem like it, you haven’t even said sorry.”

“I have nothing to say sorry for.”

“You have so much to say sorry for,” I challenged, “you’re the reason Kyle cried himself to sleep at night for a month, the reason Dad looked around clueless at Christmas when he realised he had no idea how to cook Christmas dinner, the reason everything in my life feels like it is steadily falling apart. We needed you Mum, and you just left.”

“I had to,” she said.

“Why?”

“I just did Nellie.”

“But why?”

“You wouldn’t understand Nellie.”

“Don’t call me Nellie,” I shouted, “and why wouldn’t I understand? Do you think I’m too young or something? Because apparently I’m not too young to have to pick up the pieces of the family you left behind, to have to help raise Kyle. You didn’t think I was too young for that did you?”

“This isn’t the same Ne-Eleanor,” Mum protested, “this is something you can’t help with. You three are better off without me.”

“So why did you come back?” I asked scathingly, “we were starting to get on fine without you.”

Mum recoiled from my words and looked as if I had physically hurt her. But I couldn’t take the words back, I didn’t want to take the words back and so they hung in the silence, Mum sat not quite sure how to reply.

She stared at me for a few moments before speaking.

“Eleanor you have to understand,” she said.

“You just told me I wouldn’t be able to,” I pointed out.

“Please Eleanor.”

She reached out to me, a single hand edging towards me looking for some form of acceptance, something to tell her I still loved her. I didn’t reach out to her.

“No,” I told her simply.

“Why? After everything I’ve done for you, you’re choosing to focus on the one mistake I made?” she asked confused.

“It was a pretty big mistake.”

“I know that now.”

“So what? In a few months time you might make another mistake, but I should take you back then because you didn’t realise that.”