Your Natural Hatred

Chapter 5

TW suicide

~~

It was quiet when I woke up. My mom was usually singing in the kitchen making breakfast by now. I got dressed and ready for school before heading down the stairs.

"There's no school today, hon, it was cancelled," she said.

I frowned in confusion, setting my backpack down. I opened the fridge, grabbing the gallon of milk. My mom was sitting at the table and motioned for me to sit with her. It looked like she hadn't gone to sleep last night.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

My mom sighed, taking both my hands in hers.

"I have some bad news to tell you," she whispered. "Lindsey...she killed herself last night."

I pulled my hands away. "That's not funny."

"Gerard—"

"No!" I cried. "That didn't happen!"

I ran down the street to Ray's house, pounding on the door. Ray opened it, pushing a finger to his lips.

"My parents left already but Valentina's still sleeping," he said quietly.

I sobbed, falling into his arms. Ray pulled me in and sat me down on the couch.

"Okay, buddy, it's okay," he said softly. "What happened? Did frank hurt you again?"

"It's my fault," I cried. "I broke up with her then completely ghosted her. I-I made Lindsey kill herself."

"Lindsey committed suicide?" Ray asked and I nodded. "No, Gerard, it's not your fault."

"Sh-she was my best friend in my world," I sobbed. "And now she's gone and it's all my fault. Oh my god, I-I...Ray, what am I supposed to do now?"

"Take deep breaths first," he said.

I took deep breaths and heard crying start upstairs. Ray went to go check on his daughter and I hurried to the kitchen. I found the liquor cabinet and began drinking. I needed to take the pain away, help get rid of the edge. My tolerance really was low in this world because soon enough I was pretty tipsy, almost near a proper drunk.

"Gerard," Ray sighed when he found me.

"I don't like this world," I whimpered. "I wanna go back. I need to get back home. I need to find Frank and start fixing things with him now."

I left his house and stumbled on the bus to head to Frank's. Thankfully it was mostly empty, no one to stare at me or judge me. They can't judge me, they don't know what I've been through.

I knocked on Frank's door and he answered, staring at me in confusion.

"I didn't invite you over," he said.

I grabbed him and kissed him roughly before he pulled away.

"God, you taste like shit," he muttered. "Why have you been drinking so early? It is seven in the morning."

"I need you, Frank, and I need you to understand," I said. "We're meant to be together, I just have to make things right between us again and then I can go home and everything can go back to normal again and I can have Lindsey back."

"Okay, crazy," he muttered.

My phone ring and I picked it up.

"I just wanted to make sure you were somewhere safe and not doing anything stupid," my mom said.

"I'm at a friend's house," I said. "No, I'm not doing anything stupid."

I hung up and looked at Frank.