𝔻𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕙 (𝕕𝕖𝕟𝕜𝕚 𝕩 𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕤𝕠)

p⃠a⃠n⃠i⃠c⃠

denki POV

———— kiri's house

we walk into kiri's house, running upstairs. we both get changed into pajamas.

"try to get some sleep, night kami."
"you too, night kiri."

kiri hops in his bed and i get into the make his shift bed he must have made before he came to pick me up.

i go onto my phone and start writing a poem.

heart trickles down and the blood starts pouring
i don't even know if i'm staying or i'm going
will i suffer through this torture?
or give it up for free?
well a little cost never hurt me, right?
maybe some sadness and some mourn but who could care enough to kill themselves over something so silly as me
as a person
one who doesn't matter
one who's trapped in the world of so many
one who doesn't want to be here
one who's doing everyone a favor

some people kill themselves, for either escape, or by accident
can i do it for escape?
would anyone care?
would anyone listen if i were to stare, out into the open and just think
think about so many things

please kill me

i shut off my phone as i finish it. i'll be up for a while, it's only 12 after all.

—————— school

me and kiri walk up to the bakusquad and see everyone there. "heyyo guys!" i say with much happiness.
"hey kami!"

we just continue talking and walking as we head towards the class room.

————— (lazy ass author don't know what to write here soooo) science class

i sit in my spot with shinso next to me, doodling in his notebook. i try to look over my shoulder but every time he looks at me, i quickly turn my head trying not to be suspicious. he rolls his eyes and continues to draw. i see him write something at the bottom of it: being sad and being depressed are two different things. also, people going through depression don't look so, while someone sad will look sad. the most common react is, 'how can you be depressed? you have everything going for you. you are supposed to be the number one heroine and have a plus home, car, movies... what else do you want?'
-(i can't find the quote again so i don't know who it's bye) xxxx xxxx

"hey shinso?"
"yeah?" he says annoyed.
"um, actually your fine. let's just get started on the project."
"ok."

we continue our project.

——————right after science class

i grab all my books and head out.

for some odd reason, i'm feeling hot. everything's getting blurry and dizzy. my fingers, they feel numb. i wanna fall to the floor.

fuck.

as fast as i can, i run to the bathroom. it's been years since i've had a panic attack, one out of the blue.

i open the stall door and slide down into a corner, trying to even out my hyperventilating breathing. i start to grab at my hair as i held my knees closer to my chest (out of panic).

there's a knock on the stall.

"you okay?"

it's shinso.

i just keep trying to focus on my breathing.

i suddenly see something out of the corner of my eye, a purple haired boy, crawl under the stall. he walks over and sits down next to me.

"denki."
i nod.
"follow my breathing, okay?"
i try to nod but i'm shaking a lot.
he takes a breath in.
i try to.
he takes one out.
i try to.
repeat.
"hey denki."
i nod.
"see my phone?" he says as he holds out his phone.
i shakily nod.
"what color is it?" he says flipping the phone around.
"b-blac-ck..."
"good. see my home screen?"
i nod.
"what's on it?"
"y-your c-cat?"
"good job," he takes off his backpack and grabs another object, "what color is my folder?"
"g-green."
"good. now once again, try to copy my breathing."
he does more breathing as i follow, soon enough, i'm calm.
"now, denki," he says as he starts to put away his folder, "do you know what triggered it if there was one?"
"there wasn't a trigger."
"okay, welp. if you need me—"
"i don't have your number."
"ah right, here put yours in," he says handing me his phone on a new contact. i input my number and name and hand it back.
"thanks," he says as he's on his phone, "get that?"
i take out my phone, "yeah, thanks."
"no problem."
"bye shinso, thanks."
"bye denki, no problem."