Joy of Missing Out

Chapter 17: Looks like they made it

Having him with me again felt weird and weirdly unusual. Weird in a way that officially Camille and I were still dating, and unusual because I seemed to have some difficulty adjusting to us being back together. Not when it came to him, just the whole situation around it. The media was very glad they had another unconfirmed rumor about me dating and no one found it odd. Like it's a precedent that I should date women. Larry rumors quietened down for more than a year, everywhere in the media but not among fans. On more than a few occasions we fed their obsession, starting with my album release, where they soon figured who most of the songs were about.

That man held my hand again. Holding hands, we approached the front desk and reserved a room. In no luxury hotel would they reveal we came together, but we always took precaution and made reservations under the names of Barry Crump and Luis Lime and asked for separate rooms. We had arrived in Buenos Aires one day before my entourage did and one day before I started my Latin America leg of my first solo tour. We had just reconciled in the previous few days but never really got a chance to catch up. We did have time, it just never occurred to us to start the conversation, fearing it would result in a fight. Out of nowhere, Louis found it the perfect time to talk as soon as we entered our room.

"Can we talk about it?" he started.

"It?" I emphasized but I knew what was coming.

"You and me...I mean, individually. What have you been doing?"

"Album, tour..."

"No, not that. In your personal life. For example, I got in a fight with my label over your song," he stated as if it were the most important things that happened but in some way it was really.

"I believe you." I proceeded, "My song?"

"Don't act like you're surprised I write about you. I've heard a few off of your album. I'm really proud, Hazz. You know it."

"So what do you think?" I smiled and nervously started to unpack.

It reminded me that I never really told him if any and which songs on Harry Styles. We only had make up sex and talked about current affairs and future plans, but nothing about the almost two years we spent apart. I knew it would make me talk about my other relationships and I never wanted to go there.

"I think that... they're about me," he said silently, then I tried to reply but he continued, "I love how you feel about me...because it's how I've always felt too."

His words invited me to come near him. I kissed him and, unsurprisingly, we ended in bed. Because I had very light clothes on it wasn't difficult to take them off. If it were 2011 again, this would've taken longer. I am so glad Alessandro Michele dressed me. Gucci on the floor looked much better than Hollister. And on me too. But wearing Gucci and, lately, nail polish, kind of started to unveil my flamboyancy. With that again came rumors about my sexuality. This was part of the reason why I broke up with Louis. I was afraid he fell in love with me under the condition that fake girlfriends would conceal our sexuality, and I was beginning to open up. It jeopardized his part of 'the deal', so to say, because he still wasn't ready for it. It was exciting yet frightening.

At some point in the next few weeks, Camille broke up with me. I think singing 'Still the One' with Kacey about one month later was the trigger. It changed nothing, however. Louis was still here and she still wasn't, at least as a romantic interest. Maybe in the beginning I considered the possibility of loving someone else, but she was reasonable enough to prove me wrong. She knew what she was getting into and she acted on it. When she thought I was ready to go back she found a proper man who wasn't in two minds between lovers. She knew eventually I couldn't do without Louis so she'd be a secondary choice. For a long time she wasn't and that hurt. I wouldn't say I loved her, I just got used to her heart.

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In 2018 Harry was on tour and beginning to write new music. His performance of 'Still The One' with Kacey Musgraves was significant because of the lyrics change which is this part I put in the title. As for their fake names when making reservations, reportedly those really were the names they reported in Argentina.

Q: Do you think the person in the balconies on LatAm leg of LOT was really Louis?