Joy of Missing Out

Chapter 16: I wanna lay where she lays

When I finally decided I wouldn't just write songs for other artists but also sing them for myself and for my eager fans, I had a few obstacles but all of them tied to one person and it wasn't Harry. Harry knew nothing about what I was writing essentially about and for him. No, it was Simon. All the paths in my career led to Simon somewhere in the middle, like a fallen tree after the storm that prevents you from driving to your home.

Every time I enthusiastically drove to a label meeting to face him Simon wasn't there. He would send his associates who couldn't resolve anything without his final decision and even if I had a meeting with him I doubt I would be able to renegotiate my contract or loosen it, but I was hopeful. I got a response from my producer that Syco won't allow me to release a single because it was so obviously about Harry. I had a few words to say about it so I scheduled a meeting. It contributed to my anger that recently I had seen photos of Harry and Camille on a date. Their involvement bothered me beyond their refusal to let me release the song and I told them just that.

"I'm fed up with your interventions in our lives. Harry doesn't want to be with Camille, why are you forcing him, just like you've been doing it to me for years?"

"Who even said we had anything to do with that?"

"I assumed. You always do," I said more silently because it occurred to me for the first time that maybe I was wrong blaming them for it. Maybe it was all Harry. Maybe it wasn't staged.

"Why don't you just go home...or take a vacation like Harry and Camille did," I was fuming, "Write about him like you always do. Isn't that why you're here? No, you can't put 'Always You' on the album or release it as a single. But, hey, you can keep the song, don't destroy it. What would you even write about if the conditions were different?"

"Happiness! Unambiguously. Are you seriously implying I should thank you for contractually keeping me in the closet?"

They were silent as if they had nothing to say and, unfortunately, they had the last say in everything I did. For that reason, I felt rebellious and left the office with certain intent, but not before I spoke my mind. "You're human garbage. Not even that, just garbage."

It was later in the day so I had a reasonable excuse to go out. I called some friends and we went to a bar. I had a lot to think about and a decision to drink to. On my way to the bar I uploaded a teaser to the exact song the label refused to release and went on a little Twitter rant about it. My friend read it later in the evening so he asked if I was okay. I told him it didn't bother me, but tell that to my fifth pint of beer that night. Only half sober, I started writing down in my phone notes some lyrics for 'Miss You', which was released a few months later.

I would say they loosed the rules a bit when I started to rebel. It didn't work in the beginning of my career, but it was different times. I was naive to think I could fight a big corporation while also being in the biggest boy band. Now I was a solo artist and I only worked against myself but all my decisions didn't affect just me. I always had to think about Harry and I had just started not doing that all day long.

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Louis leaked a snippet of 'Always You' on Instagram and now that we have the full song I couldn't forget to include that in a 2017 chapter.

Q: Everything about this song surprised me the most on Walls. How excited were you to finally hear the full version after years in the making?