Joy of Missing Out

Chapter 7: I'm always free to run home

"Invite him out for a drink and then, after about twenty minutes, casually drop into the conversation the fact that you'd like to marry him and have lots of sex and babies." said Harry from Love Actually and my Harry seemed to agree with this sequence of events.

I somehow got persuaded into watching Love Actually for the first time when Harry and I refused to go out with the boys. We were more than halfway through our second tour. Even though we had just finished our concert in Houston and I was still the only one who could legally drink in America, everyone was pumped to go out and party some more. Unlike them, for the reason I mentioned that is my age, I didn't need to use One Direction fame to buy alcohol at a gas station on our way to a private parking lot where the bus would be staying for some hours before we head to Dallas. That wasn't what we stopped for, though. Harry really wanted us to have a movie night. Anything but Love Actually was out of question. It was his favorite movie and I had never seen it so I gave in. He stayed outside while I went to buy it on DVD along with some snacks and a bottle of tequila. We were both, however, swarmed by fans so I had to move quickly.

A few of our bodyguards and the driver were off the bus and almost everyone else was in a club. Harry and I had the bus all for ourselves. Instead of sitting in the front lounge, we lay in his bunk bed. I've always liked them. They're nothing like regular beds in that, when I'm lying closer to the isle, Harry can't sneak out without waking me up. He did that a lot when we lived together, usually early in the morning to prepare breakfast and surprise me, but I still disliked the idea of waking up alone in bed. On tour, he was always in a bed next to mine and he never woke up before me. As a matter of fact, we always stayed up so late someone else had to wake all of us up at the same time.

The laptop was next to Harry and I was behind him. I liked the movie very much but was so ready to get up and go get some fresh air. It was getting steamy and not for the reason I wouldn't mind. I asked Harry to move aside with the excuse of going for more popcorn. He paused the movie and got up with me. I opened a window and opened another bag of popcorn.

"So, what do you think of the movie?" he asked me gleaming with joy.

"It's not over yet."

"But your thoughts so far, I mean. Isn't it so good?"

"What's so good about it?"

"You're kidding? I love how Love Actually isn't a love story but a story about love."

I interrupted him, "That lots of loves, love."

"But you know what I mean", he said and I nodded while pouring more tequila. "I want some more too."

I handed him the bottle then we sat on the steps. One of the bodyguards came to us to ask if we needed anything and to tell us the other bus would pick up Niall, Liam and Zayn from the club. It was around 1 am when we went inside to finish the movie. I had lost interest but then came a scene which made Harry cry so I had to react.

"Oh, come on, love!" I said and hugged him tightly.

"Lou," he began. He turned to me so now he was lying on his back. I wiped his tears and kissed his cheek and stayed that close to him. Harry gave me a kiss and appropriately continued, "And to me, you are perfect. I love you so much! I don't want our love story to end. I am sorry that it's you who's always afraid of what could happen if they knew about us but know that I am scared too. Frightened! I hate that we..."

Tears filled his eyes again and cracked his voice. If he hadn't stopped talking I would've stopped him with a kiss, which I then did anyways. I understood his worries perfectly. He was right when he said it's usually me who complains about having to love Harry in secret. I want to tell the world what an honor it is to have him for a friend and lover. But that would take time. We only had to keep our love as alive as ever. We didn't watch Titanic that night but we still unknowingly reenacted a scene from it. Needless to say, we had a hard time sitting the next day.

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In their 2014 London Session with Apple Music Louis gives a tour of the bus and says "It's actually a nice time and place to reflect, you know. We've had so many pretty deep conversations in the back lounge and the front lounge, and it's definitely something I remember and I associate that with having those talks with the boys." It could be anything. But then shortly after I watching that interview I saw a candid photo of Louis buying Love Actually and that one, a photo of Louis with a scratched back the next and Harry's hand on the bus window inspired this chapter. Sorry for again ending the chapter with an innuendo but I am yet to decide whether I want to write a more explicit scene.

Q: Who do you think has 'more to lose' if Larry was confirmed?