Shredded Moonlight

Chapter 16

(Shadow POV)

Throughout the week Nox and I mostly only touched at night. Often or not there was nothing spoken. He got back at nightfall where he'd find me waiting worriedly, kiss my forehead and then we would both get as close as possible before falling asleep. Then we'd wake at dawn, he'd kiss my head once more and then was gone off on duties, while I stayed bored in our little enclosure. Keeping up resistance, those were the only moments that I allowed him to touch me. It was enough to keep both of us sane. But just barely.

On the second day of this, I got bored and itched to go out of this place for awhile. There was no doubt someone watching my doorway at all times. No way out that way. Maybe Nox could... no. I wouldn't bother him. He was always exhausted at the end of the day and I refused to speak. Restlessly I examined the stone boulders around me. Too high to climb. And then I saw it.

A hole.

It was so well hidden by ferns it took me 5 passes to even notice it. I got down on my hands and knees to peer through. It would be a tight fit but none that I couldn't make. Looking at the sky through a small hole in the ceiling I noted the sun. I'd have plenty of time to get in and out without notice.

Ivy had been right. I wasn't ready to leave Nox. I didn't think I ever would be, but I wouldnt let it bother me too much. With a heave I tugged myself through the hole and onto a steep hill. Down below was a secluded willow tree that looked off into a field of gold swaying wheat, completely wild I assumed. It was absolutely perfect. I went down to sit beneath the tree, my back against the trunk. Yes. The hours I put in there everyday relaxed me greatly. Just watching the grain move with the breeze was beautiful and I enjoyed my time there immensely, wishing I could watch the sunset. But I had to return to Nox at sunset. I couldn't.

The more time I spent there the more I thought about Ivy's words. They cut deeper and deeper everyday. By the end of the week, this was now my sobbing tree. It broke my heart that I was hurting Nox, but I couldn't give in. I needed something to fight, since I couldn't with Nox. The bond was the perfect thing. I didn't know what to do anymore; that scared me. He was always so patient. Loving. And here I went hurting him daily. What kind of person was I?

After that I began staying longer than I should have, coming back seconds before Nox came in and cutting it closer with each setting sun. But I was sobbing more and more everytime. It took me longer to compose myself so Nox wouldn't be worried. I was becoming extremely depressed. And one night, I didn't go back at all.

From my spot I could hear Nox calling, tugging at my heart. I sobbed harder. I didn't deserve him. Not at all. I was a horrible person. Burying my head in my knees, I cried silently. It hurt alot also, not being able to touch him, but wanting to desperately. It stabbed repeatedly into my head every time I thought about it. I heard Ivy in our room now, where Nox was panicking. Ivy wasn't impressed and calmly told him to use his nose. There was a pause in my crying and I looked up to see the sunset. I just couldn't deny beauty like that. Grass moving to my left made me aware of Nox's presence but I only gave him a fleeting glance before watching the sun again..

Nox ran in front of my view. "There you are! I've been worried sick, Shadow!" he tried to hug me but I pulled away, my breath hitching. "What's wrong?" He murmured in concern.

"Nothing," I whispered turning away.

He didn't leave like I wanted. Or didn't want. Why was I so confused?! "Well obviously somethings wrong..."

"I'm fine, Nox." My voice was underlined with steel.

Sitting next to me he objected. "Well obviously physically, but not in any other ways. Whats wrong, little one?" His voice grew very tender towards the end.