Here lies the long awaited update. Dedicated to my lovely editor @Anime_chloe. Watch the youtube video to the right and support Anna Akana!! Hugs and Kisses
--Sarah
Dear Diary,
My mom just came back from Josh’s house, her face glowing brightly. She had gone to Josh’s house to borrow a packet of screws for the (UGLY) picture she just had to hang over the living room couch. Everyone knew that Josh’s dad was a part time Mr.Fix-Man.
“What's with you ?” I asked still grumpy from my suspension yesterday.
“Oh, be quiet.” My mom says “You’re still grounded this week”but she's blushing slightly.
“Oh my gosh what happened at Josh’s house?”
“Nothing.”she giggled. “I have a date tonight.” My jaw dropped. OH NO! I thought immediately rejecting the horrid idea that had just popped into my head.
“With a man named Markson.”
I exhaled. See diary, how I jump to such unbelievable conclusions?
But now my mom was driving me crazy yelling about where each individual article of clothing was. I have now taken temporary refuge in the broom closet. No its not dark diary, there is a dim light bulb. Oh no my mom just asked me where her silk thong was. I mean goodness I didn't even know she owned one. It was extremely awkward to ever think of my mom doing….that. Gosh i can't even write the name of it down, such an unthinkable action.
Its like that time we had 'the talk' about...that. Well, she must have done that or how am i here? I know for sure i wasn't adopted. I was in 5th grade and was really freaked out.
*Flashback*
(Me sitting at the dinner table with mom)
“Mom guess what!” I said bouncing up and down on my seat (I was a very energetic little kid back then.)
“What is it Kenny?”she asks, turning her head toward me slightly bouncing her voluminous auburn locks.
“I have six boyfriends.”I said proudly, lifting up my chin and puffing out my chest. The forkful of spaghetti that was about to go into her mouth dropped to the floor with a clatter.
”oh, jesus.”she said looking at the ceiling. ”How could she she have grown up so fast?”
She took my hand and led me to the living room couch. She sat me on her lap and looked deep into my eyes as if searching for something.
“kendra, do you have any idea what a boyfriend is?”she asks me with a questioning look.
“Yeah! I have Five of them. There's Austin, James, Carlos, Adam, and then there's Jack and Pete.” I say ticking them off my fingers.
She slowly let her breath out.
”kendra a boyfriend is not a boy who just happens to be your friend" She says, examining my look of surprise. ”A boyfriend is a guy who you plan to kiss, have intercourse with and possibly marry someday."
“What's 'in-ter-course' is it like playing basketball? i love playing basketball.”
“Sort of but not quite. Except in this case instead of a ball going in the hole its more like a hotdog. But maybe a ball or too might slip in...hmmm.”she tapped her chin thoughtfully.
“Slip in where?” I ask a tiny bit scared.
“Your pee hole. Or something close to it.” She says.
“Ohmigosh mom you’re so nasty.You meant Bang-Bang. we call it Bang-Bang.” I say feeling a mortified.
“Oh. Then what do you guys call a pen*s?*”She said, looking genuinely curious.
“Ew! mom!First it was cool when i didn't understand what you were talking about, but now that i know what you were talking about i really wish i didnt.”
“But you have to know the details of how to bring a man pleasure!”
“La-la-la I can't hear you”I say
“When you take him into your mouth make sure to suck as hard as you-”
“LA,LA,LA, i don't hear a word you're saying.”
“But he can hurt you if he pounds too-”
“LAH! LA! LA! I cant hear ANYTHING you can say!”
“But just don't too soon lose your virgini-”
“I CANNOT HEAR YOU!:”I say, running towards my room.
“But then, how will you know what to do when the time comes?” She called after me.
“Save it for my wedding night!” i yell back at her from my room.
*End of Flashback*
Yeah, That probably wasn't descriptive enough for you diary.
Well, imagine my mother’s pervertedness doubled and my naive nature with my immaturity tripled. Yup, that bad.
Oh, hang on diary, My mother wants me to find her fishnet tights. she sound like she’s right outside the door, so let me postpone this for later.
Sincerely,
Kendra Mitchell
*BTW we called a pen*s a zigga-zag-uhn like in the anna akana video to the right.*
YOU ARE READING
Sincerely, Kendra Mitchell
ChickLitKendra Mitchell is a temperamental fourteen year old girl with major issues. She spits Spanish like fire in the sight of danger. Her smart mouth and her violence first, think later mantra is jaw dropping. Did we mention her vivacious tendencies an...
