One day I'll go down the street
In a pair of seven-inch heels and a pink mini skirt.
I'll have pink lipstick on my mouth and a flower in my hair
And I'll flirt my way downtown with sweet, brainless laughter.
One day, I promise, I'll do all that
If that day's the day Charlie's pixies take over the world.
One day the neighbours' dogs will stop barking
And the lady next door will stop cursing left and right.
The butcher will stop scowling,
His daughter will finally stop staring at my bike,
And his wife will give me a fish for two buckets of sunshine.
One day, I'm sure, she'll do just that
If that day's the day Charlie's pixies take over the world.
One day grandpa will turn on the old radio
Right at station number ninety-nine point nine,
A soulless generic tone won't blast out of the rusty speakers
But that warm melody that once saved his soul.
And I will again see that smile that I held so dear,
And grandma will once more dance with him across the kitchen floor.
One day, I bet, a moment of joy will happen like that
If that day's the day Charlie's pixies take over the world.
One day that bastard will come back
And apologise to my mother for his crimes.
And maybe I'll look at him again, with the respect of a daughter
And declare that men aren't so bad after all.
And all the other bastards will do the same
On their knees with their arrogance crushed by the cruel, cruel world,
And the children will believe in justice and fairytales once more.
One day, maybe, they will do that
If that day's the day Charlie's pixies take over the world.
One day the scientists will prove
That Jesus, and Allah, and so on never really existed.
The Pope will shrug his shoulders and take off his fancy outfit
And take a holiday with all the other priests and prophets to the beach.
The politicians (and wannabe politicians) will pat themselves on the back,
Take a stroll together in the park and say,
"You know what, it's all just about egos and bits of paper.
Let's just shut the bloody hell up, we can't take 'em with us into the coffin anyway!"
One day, I say, they'll all settle just like that
If that day's the day Charlie's pixies take over the world.
One day the Earth's water and fuels will refill itself,
And a massively giant plane will then hover over the battlefields.
It will declare through the speakers, "War is banned because it's pointless!"
It always has been, some fools were just too damn stubborn to admit.
All soldiers will throw their weapons, scream and cry like big babies as they make their way home.
And Tom Lehrer will write us another tongue-in-cheek song.
Poverty and starvation will surrender to the light of happiness
As Ben Bernanke, finally, get into his helicopter
And rain money down across the USA.
One day, I swear, he will do just that
If that day's the day Charlie's pixies take over the world.
He turned and looked at me with his big, blue, sparkling eyes,
Innocence and faith emitted out of him like a halo.
Charlie smiled at me, excitement danced on the corners of his lips,
"I take care of them pixies well, you think they'll do all that?"
I ruffled his soft messy hair and tickled his belly and said,
"Well, young mister Charlie, I'm very sure they will."
"I'll trust you on that. But remember, you promised
That you'll wear pink the day my pixies take over the world!"
