Tell me why this hurts so bad.
Every day I keep running faster and faster
Avoiding them from entering my mind
Every night I toss and turn
My body aches from the nightmares tossing me
There is no sympathy for the wicked,
And I can't help but view myself as the latter
Opposed to him who tainted me and who I was suppose to be.
Every day I keep climbing and climbing
The higher I get the more damage when I hit
the ground. Gravity pushing me deeper and
deeper into the soil without mercy.
I held myself to the highest esteem and for that
I truly deserved to fail. And He believed in me
Thinking that I could overcome all but one.
I am one with nature and nature won with me.
He calls to me. He asks for me to return,
to forsake the numbness inside me,
He begs that I learn to love myself again and to
regain my overwhelming sense of decency.
I reply to him, "No." Simply, that is the one
Thing I cannot do. I want to return to you.
But although, the nightmares are mine,
They are all I think about, I can't stop me.
The fear and disgust, the pit in my stomach every time I think about them, not only force
Me to bend over in pain. They also force me to relive the memories of incandescence.
No matter what I do, I can't seem to get over
You. Did you ever really care to read my poems? Did you care for anything I achieved? You seemed to never care for my victory.
Nonetheless, I continue to be your biggest fan. But in your eyes, I am nothing more than just the ant you step over. Slightly inconveniencing your day. I was never what you intended to be.
Sleeping in the safety and warmth in your arms, memories that will never fade, set me up for failure every night that I sleep alone. Never shall I find the same comfort you gave me.
But you took it away so easily. And left me with nothing. You cornered me and left me with the blame. The happiest thing I ever knew was gone and it was my fault and my destiny.
I wish I didn't exist. Get me out. Release me.
It really is my fault and deserve nothing but the Hell laying in front of me. You may forgive me but I deserve no mercy.
Lock me away and forget the key.
