I know what you're going to say
I've practiced it my mind.
Go ahead as you may.
I deserve your sentence.
The guilt inside
Tears me apart.
I want to escape, hide,
Nothing can prepare me for this.
thoughts lurking inside my head
Tell me to cry, to beg forgiveness.
My heart, tells me instead,
"Keep all that you stand upon."
After throwing away my honor,
It is greedy to keep my pride.
I hold that privilege, no more.
Unfair not only to you, but to me.
I ask: "who am I?"
Always self-assured to be worthy.
That ignorance—I cannot deny,
It is irrefutable.
I did not see it until now.
I have preached hypocrisy.
But to see this in myself—Wow!
What I would give to go back.
Not only to my childhood,
But to one day past, is what I lack
And yet I deserve it not.
I view myself a victim.
Little to know I am the villain.
I see my hope grow dim.
I do not deserve hope,
Let alone your forgiveness.
I cannot cope.
Therefore, forgive me not;
Hate me!
Spite me!
Take away all that is dear,
I beg you please.
Teach me
what I cannot teach myself.
That is why I stand here,
Before you:
Without pleading, without tears,
But with self-hatred's reflection.
Staring back at me.
