Every Time I Look For You

Jasey Rae

That night Michael had a hard time falling asleep. He couldn't stop thinking, his brain wouldn't shut up. He closed his eyes trying to block everything out. Normally this would be easy. Michael was a pro at this by now, but tonight was different. Michael actually felt some sort of regret for loosing it.

_____

Michael barely slept. He wasn't even tired. He felt like a 5 year old that had been reprimanded and grounded. But ten times worse.

Why was he so distraught about this? It's not that he didn't care whenever he took out his anger on someone, it's just that the way Ashton looked gutted him. And the way Luke and Calum were so protective over him. Michael might not have understood why they treated him so delicately but they definitely had their reasons.

Michael decided that he didn't want to get out of bed that day. He was just going to shut himself up in his room. He heard Luke and Calum opening their doors around 12:30. Michael heard them talking in the hall but he couldn't make out actual words. They were probably discussing what a terrible person Michael was. He sighed and laid on his back, looking up at the ceiling.

He heard knocks on his door and murmurs about good and how he needs to come out eventually. Michael just ignored them and put on his headphones, wanting to block them out. At that moment he kind of understood what Ashton was doing. As the afternoon went on though, Michael realized that he actually hated Ashton a more than he hated himself. Michael tried to be nice but he was shot down. Not my fault, he thought. But deep down Michael knew that Ashton wasn't the one to blame..

_____

Michael went a full day without eating or seeing anyone. He slept peacefully that night, less distraught than the night before. He woke up to a grumbling stomach. Michael was no lightweight and knew he needed food really soon. He checked his phone to see what day it was. Wednesday the mini calendar told him. Today was the day he usually went to go see mum with Liz. He hadn't talked to his sister since before he moved into the new house.

Michael found Liz's number in his contacts and pressed the little phone next to her name. It rang for awhile until his little sisters voice answered on the other end. "Hello? Mikey?!" She said excitedly. Michael chuckled and said "Yeah Lizzie it's me." Elizabeth was the one person he could never get mad at. "Oh my gosh Mikey I've missed you sooo much!" Liz exclaimed. "I missed ya too sis. Are you free today?" Michael asked. "Michael Gordon Clifford are you asking me on a date?" She teased. "You disgust me sometimes." Michael joked back. "But seriously you wanna go see mum today with me? Maybe get some lunch afterwards?" He asked. "Yeah that sounds great! Come pick me up at Aunt Nancy's house yeah?" She asked. "Yeah." He said and the line went dead.

_____

No matter how much Michael wanted to see Elizabeth and mum, he was dreading the moment he had to step out of his secure room. He knew he would be bombarded with questions that he didn't:

a. feel like answering

and

b. know the answer to

Michael told Liz that he would pick her up at noon. The clock was just now reading 11:20. Maybe the boys weren't up yet. He certainly hoped so.

Michael got dressed quickly and fussed with his hair. His eyes looked bloodshot and tired. Getting out of this damn house was probably a good thing for him. Michael poked his head out through his door and listened. It didn't sound like anyone was up. He closed the door quietly behind him and walked soundlessly down the hall and to the bathroom. He brushed his teeth and messed with his hair some more. It was now about 11:40. Michael had to get going if he was going to pick up Liz up on time. He walked out of the bathroom and down the long hall.