Every Time I Look For You

Afraid

After being scolded by Luke and Calum about not making a good enough first impression on Ashton, Michael went to his new room to start unpacking his stuff. He was actually pretty pissed but he didn't think it was the best idea to start a fight not even two hours after he arrived. He picked up a box and set it on the bed, ripping off the packing tape. The first thing he saw was a family picture. The one Michael never left anywhere without. It was of Michael, his mum, and Elizabeth. That's all his true family was. His so called son of a bitch of a father was the one taking the picture. That's probably why Michael liked it so much, because his dad wasn't there. They were all standing in front of the Sydney Opera House. Right in front of the water. Mum was wearing her favorite blue dress, the one Michael always thought she looked beautiful in. And Liz was in the pink skirt that Michael had bought her for her birthday.

Michael felt a strong surge of sadness wash over him momentarily. He pushed it away, frowning. He set the picture on the nightstand. He continued to unpack clothes and shoes. Band posters and beanies and snap backs. He got about halfway through all of the boxes before he started to feel exhausted. His sucky sleep last night didn't help at all. He plopped down on the comfortable mattress. He closed his eyes for what he thought would only be a minute or two.

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Michael was awoken by Calum's shrill voice announcing to the freaking neighbourhood that dinner was ready. Michael groaned and rolled back over, ignoring Calum being an idiot. A few minutes later Michael heard a loud knock on the door. "Michael foods ready." Calum said. Michael didn't care about food right now. All he wanted was some peace and quiet to sleep. "Go away." Michael grumbled. "C'mon just come out for a little bit. Then you can go back to masterbating or whatever the hell you've been doing in there." Calum snickered. Michael rolled his eyes and got out of bed reluctantly. He opened the door. "God you're fucking weird sometimes." Michael said with an almost joking smirk. Calum scoffed and said with an equally smug smile, "that's why you love me Cliffy boy." Michael rolled his eyes and pushed past Calum into the hallway. "In your dreams."

They both walked down the hall towards the dining room. "Now Ash actually came out for dinner so please be nice. I'm honestly begging you Michael." Calum half whispered half pleaded. Michael felt irritated all over again. He had almost forgotten about that kid. "Whatever." Michael said almost inaudibly. Calum huffs as they make their way to the table. Luke is sitting on one side, looking through his phone. Ashton is sitting on the other side, with his head phones in. He's tapping a steady beat on the table with his fingers.

Michael goes to sit down next to Luke until Calum objects. "Uhm no. That is King Calum's seat. You being a peasant can sit on thaaat side of the table." Calum smirked and gestured to the seat next to Ashton. His earned a snort from Luke. Michael shot both of them a death glare before plopping down next to Ash.

Dinner went fairly okay.. For like the first eight minutes. Calum and Luke were discussing something about buying new strings tomorrow morning. Michael was trying to listen but all he could here was.. Tap. Tap. Tap. Ashton still hadn't taken his headphones off while they were all eating. He would just tap a rhythm with one hand and shovel pasta into his mouth with the other. He looked so deep in thought. He was getting lost in the music just like Michael does. But that didn't matter. That damn tapping of his was keeping Michael from hearing an oh-so-important discussion about guitar strings. He tried to be nice and polite about it in the beginning.

"Ashton, do you think maybe you could stop tapping so I can hear the conversation?" Michael said through a gritted half smile. Ashton didn't even show any signs of acknowledgement. He just kept tapping away on the table. "Ashton? Stop tapping please." Michael said again, still remaining calm. Again, nothing. Michael was starting to loose his cool. "Ashton! Stop tapping." Michael said a little louder. By this time, Luke and Calum had turned around and were staring at Michael with wide eyes. Ashton just sat there focused on his food, and still tapping. Michael felt the anger bubbling in his stomach. "Ashton!!" Michael yelled, shoving Ashton's shoulder. The push was enough to make Ash almost fall out of his chair. He pulled off his headphones, looking terrified. "H-huh?" He mumbled, clearly afraid of an enraged Michael.

"Oh don't give me that bullshit. I know you fucking heard me! I've asked you four fucking times to stop your damn tapping and you've continued to ignore me, you annoying little brat!" Michael seethed. Ashton looked like he was going to bust into tears. "M-Michael I didn't-" Ashton stammered but Michael cut him off. "Oh of course you didn't hear me. As if I'm fucking invisible." Ashton was shaking and had hot tears streaming down his face by the time Michael had stopped yelling. This time Luke stepped up. "Michael! Get the hell out of the kitchen now." Luke said seriously with a grimace on his face. He looked like he had the utter most disappointment in Michael right then and there. Calum was trying to calm down a crying Ashton, whispering to him quietly and trying to take his hands away from his ears. Michael slid out his chair, got up, and then slammed back into the table, making the dishes rattle. That made Ashton jump even more. Luke and Calum glared at Michael furiously as he stormed off to his room.

Michael slammed his door and slid down against it. He pulled his knees up to his chest, still fuming. Control it, control it, he thought to himself. It was pointless now thought that he'd made Ashton cry and Luke and Calum were mad at him. But he was mad too. He'd asked that little shit four times to just stop tapping. He hated being ignored. He'd been ignored his whole life, he didn't need it here too.

Michael honestly wanted to try to be suitable around Ashton. He understood that Ashton lived in his own little world. He was going to try to be as nice as possible. But he just fucked that up real good. He picked himself up off the floor and flopped down on his bed. He felt a little guilty now. He probably didn't need to be that upset over some stupid tapping. Ash honestly probably didn't hear him. But Michael can never control himself when he feels insulted.

He heard a knock at his door. "Go away." Michael muttered. "Too late." Calum opened his door and walked in. "What the hell do you think go away means?" Michael shot out. "Don't you give me that attitude right now Clifford." Calum glared at him. Michael bit his tongue a bit. "What the hell was all that Michael?" Calum asked him. "I asked him four times to stop and he ignored me!!" Michael fired back defensively. Calum just shook his head. "Ashton couldn't hear you, believe me. He plays his music so loudly. Music is his sanity, you don't get it." Calum said. "No your right Calum, I don't get it. I don't get why you treat him like he's made of glass. Like he'll break at any moment." Michael crossed his arms over his chest. "Maybe because he will break at any moment, Michael.. Be careful." And with that Calum got up and exited Michael's room, closing the door behind him.

Michael thought about what Calum had just said. He'll break at any moment.. Be careful. Michael didn't know how to be careful. He broke everything. That's just how it was. He didn't know how to be gentle around Ashton. It just wouldn't work.

Michael rolled on his side and pulled his knees up to his chest. He closed his eyes and tried to forget about everything. About mum, about Liz, about Luke's and Calum's disappointed faces, about his disappointment in himself, but mostly the terrified look on Ashton's face when Michael screamed at him..

Fuck up, he thought. What a fuck up you are.

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A/N Awe poor Michael feels guilty for making Ashy sad:-(

I love writing this story so much already ^.^ gahhh i have so much planned for this already. Thanks to my two readers right now. Ily:-) <3

Jamie Xx