We Don't Die

Selfishness

        I woke up feeling like something was wrong...Dale wasn’t by my side and that’s what told me that well...something was wrong. After I stood up and dressed for the day, I couldn’t help but smile at the the new visitors in my cell. Ben and Billy, lay curled up in a cot we dragged in, resting silently. I walked over to them and bent over, leaning to kiss their foreheads. “Good morning boys.” This action caused me to sigh as I went back to dig through my bag for a blanket to cover them. Quietly, I trod back to them and moved the blanket over them. “Sleep well.”

 

        After my time with the boys, I couldn’t help but want to find Dale. He wasn’t laying next to me, which I immediately found suspicious as he always liked to see me wake up in the mornings, or so he said. After I grabbed my knife and rifle, I moved to the common area of the prison where the food was kept. Lori was sitting with Carol and Carl, her hands protectively holding her enlarged belly. I sort of felt bad for her. Sure, I knew Rick would protect her and the baby for anything...Hell, I would...Axel would...Tyreese….Billy….Maggie and Glenn..That baby would be safe. That wasn’t the reason I felt bad though. The reason I felt bad was because Rick was not there for her, not anymore like he used to be. It made me angry in a way I can’t explain. Rick’s separation set us all of, as their breakup surely was the latest talk in the prison. I saw it coming though.

 

        Everyone that belonged to our Atlanta group knew  about Lori’s relationship with Shane, and Rick did too, accepting the fact that the child was not his. The time gap didn’t even fit where it could remotely make sense. I’m just mad because well, now was not the time to abandon your pregnant wife. I decided I would talk to him about it, seeing as Rick seemed to trust me more than anyone else here. I owed Lori and that unborn child that. That baby was our future. He or she gave us a reason to want more. To protect what we had and expand it. Even though I knew Rick had “broken up with Lori,” I was going to beat some sense into him to stay with her. Not only for the baby, but for Carl, and the future support those children needed.

 

        I saw Rick through the corner of my eye and I immediately wanted to run over and corner him. Rick glanced to me, and then quickly away, sitting at a table far from Lori, in the corner. This was my chance. I grabbed two packets of snack food knowing that Rick wouldn’t want the oatmeal that the women had prepared (as he hated oatmeal..oatmeal and corn) and darted over before he could escape. It had been about three days since I heard Rick tell Lori he was leaving her, and I really thought by now that they would be back together. Lori loved Shane though, not Rick, and everyone knew that. As soon as Rick killed Shane, Lori grew cold and distant to him, and Rick surely wasn’t the only one who noticed. It didn’t stop me though from wanting to plead for Lori as I sat down across from him and tossed him the snack mix.

 

        “Rick Grimes. Don’t you dare try leaving or I will call the cops on you.” Rick chuckled some as I ripped open my own packet. There was a very distinct smirk on my face, one I couldn’t hide. “Well, /Andrea Harrison/, they would let me go, seeing as I am a cop.” I smiled warmly at him, the laughter that escaped me betraying my cover. /Damn it/. “Listen….” I swallowed and looked down, frowning. How could I just joke with the man after what he was doing to Lori? The thought caused me to frown as I saw Rick tense up out of the corner of my eye, and I frowned deeper still, looking back to him. “Leaving Lori when she’s this vulnerable… It isn’t right. She needs you right now. Hell, that baby needs you. And..I don’t want to hear some bullshit about how the baby isn’t yours.. That baby is the hope we need...gives us the will to survive, and I will damn near protect it at all costs and you better do so too. I just think you need to focus on Lori, Rick… She needs you.” I sighed as I waited for his response, patiently. He let a moment of silence carry out before he looked up to me, “Andrea… I’m not abandoning the child. I’m surely not abandoning Lori or Carl. They’re my family...I love them…. I just can’t sleep in the same bed as a woman who won’t even let me hold her hand. The woman I loved is gone. She did love me at one point…. She /loves/ Shane now though...even though he’s gone, she loves him. I can see it in her eyes when she looks at me...Eyes full of disgust and hate because I killed /him/. The man who slept with my wife and tried to claim my son… but somehow I’m the bad guy when my best friend tried to kill me… I just can’t fake it anymore with her...and neither can she...I mean honestly, does she seem sad, Andrea? You have to see her like I do...She seems /relieved/. She is relieved that she doesn’t have to worry anymore about me… but believe me, Andrea I’m not the man to abandon them. That’s still my child. Carl is still my son. Lori is still the mother of my children, and I will continue to love and protect them no matter what happens between Lori and I.”