Coming Home

Chapter 31 - Winter Night

I had not let myself think about coming home to an empty house, but now that we were here it really hit me that my Mum was gone.

The plane ride home had been long and quiet. Jack didn't say much, he never said much of anything anymore.

I thought of Logan, what would I be doing if we hadn't left? In my head I walked though Logan's house, passing him in the study, where he sat reading a book. He would look up and smile at me, the firelight glowing and reflecting in his eyes. My heart would miss a beat; my breath would catch at the beauty of him. Then I would walk to my room, past the pictures of Logan and me, Logan with Jack, Logan with Geoff and I would fall into a dreamless sleep, knowing I was safe.

The flat we lived in now was a small, empty and unheated space. I open the front door and carried in the suitcase, Jack behind me. It was basic, but it was all I could afford. After my Mum has become ill, she couldn't work anymore and we had no money. Jack and I were literally starving to death until I eventually found a job writing for a local paper. Moving here was the only option, our old house hadn't been big or glamorous, but it was a palace compared to this.

It was eleven at night by the time we both got back; it felt like I never saw daylight anymore. I turn to see Jack walking in the direction of his bed without a word.

I was hungry but there was no food. I just wanted to go to sleep and forget what had happened today. Going into my bedroom, I sat down heavily on the edge of my bed. The room felt bare compared to where I had stayed at Logan's house. I had no curtains on the window and the moonlight flickered through, the leaves on the tree just outside rustling in the wind.

There was no use trying the light, I knew the electricity had been cut off. I laughed to myself, the bitter sound echoed in the dark room, as I thought, what would Logan think of me now? A poor, ugly girl, who can't even afford to pay the electricity bill.

Laying my suitcase on the bed next to me, I unzipped it and dug around, disturbing the neatly folded clothes, my heart searching for only one thing. My fingers grazed the soft folds of his shirt, buried under my belongings at the bottom of the case. I drew it out and, lying down, I lay my head against his shirt and fell asleep.

Thirteen days later

Looking for work was a job in itself. Most places were closed for the winter and I desperately needed a second job so I could afford to have the electric back on. Writing for the local paper didn't bring in nearly enough money.

As Jack and I were walking back through town, on our way home from job hunting, we bumped into Marina. We had been friends around the time I had first met Logan. After only thirty seconds of talking I realised she was still only interested in Logan. "How is he? When did you last see him? Oh, so he's single now then? He's not put on weight, has he?" Each question felt like a knife slowly piercing my heart. Every mention of his name made me think of his face the day I had left him. Even back when Logan and I had been together she made no effort to hide her attraction to him. She didn't hide it from anyone. Everyone had known.

It hadn't bothered me then because I had know Logan's heart was mine and mine alone. But I no longer held his heart and when I thought of Logan with her it made me feel so...sad. Not even jealous. I had not considered that Logan might fall in love with someone else but know every time I shut my eyes I saw him with a faceless person. It didn't matter who, only that he was touching her with the same hands he had loved me with, kissing her with the lips that used to wake me up every morning, with the lips that would kiss me goodnight every evening.

It was that same night I took out his shirt I had hastily put into the draw next to my bed and stripped off all of my clothes until I was wearing only Logan shirt against my bare skin. Sometimes, if I had a bad day, I would sit on the floor wearing Logan's shirt.