Those Eyes

Chapter Six

Chapter 6

I pushed him away from me. He was shocked and some what hurt flashed in his eyes. That didn't do anything for me at. Nothing that he did would do anything for me. It wasn't going to work for me or anyone.

"It's that simple just please forget me."

"No. No, Zach it's not that simple."

"Yes it is."

"How is it?"

"Just say you forgive me."

"I can't lie."

He paced and stared at me in outrage. I couldn't lie to him or anyone else for that matter. He of all people knew that I would never not tell the truth. He stared at me like in some way I was crazy. I wasn't going to cry for him or for anyone else. This was what I chose. I lived with myself, hurting myself for thinking that I was a disgrace for everyone in the world. He stared at me before finally stating something that I didn't expect.

"I came all this way to see you because I missed you and now that you don't want me here the-."

"I never said I didn't want you here."

"Well then what seems to be the problem?"

"I can't forgive you."

"Let me work through this."

"I can't wait for you or for anyone to TRY to change their lives for me. I can't wait for anyone really. And maybe if that's something that no one can work with I might as well leave. I have to many problems in my life to worry about someone's half commitment to me."

"I'm trying to change for you..."

"Look at of all the people I waited for to come through my house door, you didn't show up and it's not my fault that you lost your chance like everybody else. Or is it?"

"No, it's not but I'm trying to make up for all that I did wrong and your not helping!"

"I'm not supposed to help if you want it that bad then work for it."

"Okay. Just don't make it impossible."

I walked away not wanting to look back. I didn't promise to anything anymore. It was too hard to hold a commitment to anyone because sooner or later they turn you down shut the door and leave. You may look at this and say I have trust issues but in reality I don't. I just try to figure out the people I can count on then the people that will leave me to drown in deep water.

I wasn't trying to get someone that I can count my life on just people I know that won't let me down. Or at least that's the way I see this. But in my mind's eyes they scream denial. I knew this but like the denial it is chose to ignore it as much as possible. I wasn't good with being correct and when I was wrong I accepted being wrong but then pushed myself hard to pull out everything that was necessary not to be wrong again. I never thought that someone would ever come from my past and come back for me but Zach being Zach surprised me in everyway. And that's why I didn't want him in my life. As much as I actually wanted him in my life I knew he would bring new land for me to unfold with the time that I didn't have. My time was based on that test. That simple piece of paper held all the time that I had. If it were from 3 days to my whole life time. That time would eventually have to end at one point. I tried to shake this thought but couldn't.

My thoughts went back to Zack and I knew at one point he would do the impossible to get me to forgive him but I knew that if I did I would have to face it at one point or another and tell everyone that I had leukemia. But I didn't want to and I knew that my brain would make the most ridiculous excuses to not tell anyone because they would have sympathy on me and that was something that not even I wanted. And if it was something that I didn't want it had to be bad or just unbearable because in truth I wanted everything. Even when I was little I wanted a good education a good friend and a good life in general. In truth I got most of what I wanted. Not in a materialist way but as in goals in life.

I didn't really know what to do so I turned and walked to class. I left behind every little problem in my life like always and when I leave something behind its mostly for the best interest of me and other people. But never had a person or object from the past ever been brought back to my present. Well certainly now Zach seemed to break everything that came into my world. I wasn't talking about my heart or anything that had to do with emotions but rules or events that never seemed to happen in my life.

I then appeared at the door of my class. Might as well. I thought. I reached for the door knob and pushed the door open. The rattling of the door seemed to capture the attention of the whole class as they turned to me.

Mrs. Charis smiled at me and gestured to the back chair empty in the corner calling towards me.

"Ms. Carly so nice of you to join us."

"Well Mrs. Chairs so glad to be here."

"Just sit."

And I did. I sat down and waited for instructions from Cari. When Cari turned around she stated that we were working on a project about photography. We had to capture the idea of happiness. I thought about it then it hit me. I asked Cari if we worked in partners or groups. Cari answered we were assigned partners and she had Carter. Carter was a dirty blonde with grey eyes that had a huge charm on Cari. And Cari didn't seem to mind one bit. I nudged her and she blushed! She out of all people blushed! I would have to trease her later because I then got up and walked to the teacher's desk. She lifted her head and chose not to acknowledge me at all!

I smiled at her then asked who my partner was. She pulled her clipboard and stared at it puzzled. She then spoke and stared at me with worry clear in her eyes.

"You seem to not have a partner."

"What?"

"No partner. Would you mind working alone?"

"Not at all."

Just at that moment the door slammed open and in came a boy with green eyes and black hair walked in like he owned the whole world. I knew the moment our eyes met I was doomed. I don't know how I knew but I knew somehow.

I don't know how I knew but I knew somehow. Mrs. Charis smiled at the boy and asked his name.

"My name is Jayson but you can call me JaeJae."

"Well Jayson or JaeJae, you will be working with Ms. Carly. You will be working on a photography project on what is happiness."

"Cool. I guess."

"Go sit next to Bernise, JaeJae."

"KK tech."

I walked to my seat and hoped that he was that much of an idiot that was planned. I sat down and watched as he sat down next to me and stared at me almost waiting for something. I pulled out my sketch pad and drew again another figure popped out and when it was finished there was a pair or set of green eyes that made me lose myself slowly I tried to figure them out. They seemed to belong to someone I knew but the only person that had green eyes was Zach. I was scared.

What does me drawing him mean? It means I'm stressed. When ever I am ever stressed about a specific subject or person I always seem to find a way to draw a body part or at least something that has to do with the subject.

A few examples would be the problem with Zach. I drew his whole face without realizing it. Another would be the time Zane was having asthma problems I drew a cartoon that Zane turned purple and then he got better in the end. Once it happened it never happened again. But I looked at the drawing closer and they weren't Zach's eyes but more of a new bright unfamiliar color.

"Did you draw my eyes?"

I took a closer look at JaeJae's eyes and they seemed to match the color perfectly. I wonder what this means?