a beautiful world | wolfstar

my reflection troubles me

Sirius flicked through his history homework for perhaps the eleventh time, unable to find the motivation to write anything more.

He did like history, mind you. It was just the essay part he wished didn't exist.

"Mate, if you rustle that paper one more time I am going to rip it up and set it on fire," James said flatly, not looking up from his maths homework.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Fine, then."

He started to think about Remus. They had sat next to each other in German today, and honestly? Sirius didn't learn a single thing.

You see, Remus had showered in the morning, which he rarely did (usually waiting until after classes). His hair had still been quite wet in German, and little drops of water would sometimes run down his neck and under his shirt.

Sirius, needless to say, was not bored in that lesson.

But remembering it was a bad idea. He had barely moved, but was fully aware that his blood was flowing a little too quickly to a certain area.

He got up, stretching his neck out. "I think I'll have a nap."

Peter looked at him suspiciously. "What are you, ninety?"

"Piss off."

He strolled up the stairs, unaware that James and Peter were exchanging sly glances.

Sirius was about to walk into his dorm, trousers a tad uncomfortable, when he heard someone humming quietly and strumming a guitar.

He stopped. Moony? he thought to himself.

Sirius had only heard Remus sing once before, in fourth year, when the four boys had been drinking in their dorm and decided to do some karaoke.

He vaguely remembered Remus being very good, but couldn't recall how he had actually sounded. 

Of course, he had always known that Remus could sing. The boy had mentioned it early in first year during a game of 'truth or dare'. Sirius was fairly certain that was the moment he knew Remus was complete perfection.

But anyway, we're getting off track. The point is, although he knew Remus wouldn't like it, Sirius really wanted to hear him sing. And this was a great opportunity.

Sirius crouched outside the door, ear pressed against the keyhole. He recognised the song.

'Saw the world turning in my sheets, and once again I cannot sleep..." Remus' voice was soft and sad, the guitar threading through the singing like some lonely ribbon.

Sirius felt something turn in his chest, as though someone had pulled at a loose string in his heart and tied it to the music. He kept listening.

"Remembered rights that I did wrong, so here I go."

His singing was incredibly beautiful. There was no harshness - only quiet acceptance of a sadness that Sirius felt Remus should never have encountered.

"...my mind is muddy but my heart is heavy, does it show? I lose the track that loses me..."

Sirius wanted to stop him. To tell Remus that this wasn't true, that everything he did was beautiful. But the song held him where he was.

"I'm not calling for a second chance, I'm screaming at the top of my voice - give me reason, but don't give me choice, cos I'll just make the same mistake again."

There was a heartbreaking pause. Sirius could imagine Remus' eyebrows pulling together, the lines around his eyes tightening gently.

The song continued.

"And maybe someday we will meet, and maybe talk and not just speak." Sirius' legs had begun hurting from his odd position, but he didn't want to move in fear of ending the magic.

"And my reflection troubles me, so here I go."

Suddenly he couldn't take it. He felt like he was intruding on something private. Sirius stood up, breaking the spell he had been under, and opened the door.

Remus looked up, eyes wide and gripping his guitar. "Oh, hello Sirius."

The shorter boy plastered a smile to his face, inwardly noticing that his... problem... had not improved in the slightest. "Hey Moons. What are you up to?"

His eyes dropping down to his guitar, he mumbled, "Just messing around." Sirius didn't like the faint note of shame in his voice, but let it slide. "You?"

"Oh, I was going to take a nap."

"You're getting old."

"Ridiculous." There was a pause, before Sirius decided to speak again. "Do you... will you play something for me?"

A faint blush settled on those lovely freckled cheeks. "I mean, I'm not very good at guitar, but..." Remus cleared his throat. "If you really want me to, then I could - "

Sirius nodded quickly. "I'd love it if you did. I-I might sleep quicker." Because he was genuinely tired, seeing as he hadn't slept too well the night before.

A small smile slipped on to Remus' face. "Lie down then, old man. I shall put you to sleep."

Frankly, he would rather Remus kept him awake, but seeing as that was probably off the table Sirius didn't say anything.

He made a face, but got into bed [A/N: his own bed, mind, you filthy children]. Remus adjusted his guitar, looking over at Sirius.

"What should I play?"

"Will you sing?"

Remus snorted. "No?"

"Then play whatever you like."

There was a moment of quiet while Remus tried to think of something. He then started to play, delicately plucking the strings.

Sirius blinked at his choice, and then smiled. "Sound of silence?"

"Of course. Now be silent."

He felt himself drift off, the sweet melody caressing his ears and the immersed look in two amber eyes caressing his heart.