Ad Victoriam *Being re-written and edited*

Chapter 19

~Later that night~

Alyssa:

I was dreading the conversation that was going to follow. I knew that it was going to be about us, nothing about anything that I've been after. I was scared, no terrified about what his words were going to be. So here I sat. My hand on the door knob, awaiting for my confidence to kick in and take over my actions.

Finally, I just said fuck it and twisted the knob of the door before pushing it open. There he was. Arthur sat at his terminal, typing something, seemingly a diary entry.

"Excuse me, Maxson?" I spoke up. 

Maxson jumped a bit before looking at me. I laughed a little bit before stepping foot into his bedroom and shutting the door behind me. He exited the window on his terminal before walking to me.

"Alyssa, next time you should knock." He chuckled. 

I laughed a little bit before shaking my head then grabbing a seat at the table. "So, what's this about?" 

Maxson grabbed a bottle of whiskey and two glasses from a cabinet before making his way to the table and sitting down. "Care for a drink?"

I looked to the bottle filled with brown liquid before looking to the small glasses. With a nod, I replied to him with a simple thank you. As he twisted the cap off the bottle, he spoke up once again, this time answering my question. 

"Alyssa, I wanted to talk to you about us." 

I sighed a bit. There it was. That sentence I been waiting for. "What about us?" 

Maxson pushed a glass in my direction before taking a seat of his own. "Alyssa...I like you. A lot." 

I bit my lower lip. He was really confessing. As much as I liked Arthur, could things really work out between us? I mean...Fuck, I was a Brotherhood knight! I thought it was against code to...have relations with the lower members. 

"Maxson-" 

"Alyssa, look. I want to keep our relationship on a down low for the time being, but that doesn't mean I don't want to have a romance with you." 

I bit my lip gently before looking to the ground. I didn't have the words. I was shocked. At one moment, I wanted to say okay. I wanted to agree to being in a relationship with him, but at the same time, my mind said no. I don't know if I could ever love anyone the way I did my husband. I loved that man like there was no tomorrow. We made each other vows to love each other even into death. I-I couldn't...

Maxson:

I watched Alyssa for a moment, awaiting her to speak, to reply, to say something. She just sat there in silence, no words to be said. I didn't know what else to say. I mean, I wanted to continue to speak my heart, but what if I pushed it too far? What if I...triggered something from her past? I know what she's been through with losing literally everything.

"Alyssa?" I questioned her, placing a hand on her shoulder. 

She jumped a bit then looked back up at me. Her eyes were beginning to tear up and I knew that I struck a nerve talking to her like this. Confessing my self to her like I did. I had to though. I couldn't...hold it in anymore. Things had to be said, so I said them. 

She looked at me before wiping the small tears from her eyes. "M-My first relationship was with Nate...He took me down to the pier and we sat there for hours one day, just watching the boats come in and out of port. He did the same thing you did. When the moment was right, the sun was just setting...he turned to me and told me how much I meant to him. How badly he's been wanting to confess to me. How much it would mean to him if I agreed to be his." Her eyes went towards mine and we just looked at each other. 

"Even when he went and joined up with the military I was still home, waiting for him. We were together and I was faithful to him. Every night I prayed that he'd come home safe and sound. That'd he live another day for me. For us. For our baby." 

Her eyes went back to the floor. "After Shaun was born...It took him 2 months to meet his father. Now...Nate will never get to see Shaun grow up, become successful...Shaun will never have a life with his father." 

I had no idea why she was telling me this, but I was happy she did. I was happy that she was finally opening up to someone. I could tell that this was all just being pushed to the back of her head. She was destroyed. She had nothing left. Fuck...I don't know what I'd do if I were her. I-I...

"Alyssa-" 

"Arthur, I do. I really do. Fuck...I love you. But...I just...I'm scared. I'm scared of ending right back where I was. And Shaun? If I don't find him...I-I would have let my husband down. I made a promise..." 

"Alyssa, we will find him. I promise. Look, tomorrow we will start on building that transmitter and before you know it, the Institute will be in your hands."

She took a few deep breaths looking up at me once again. "I-I can't...I-I...." 

I gently grabbed her chin and pulled her into a loving kiss. It took her a moment but eventually she did return to affection, leaning into the kiss I had pursued. 

Her arms slowly snaked around my neck, my hands going to her waist. I wouldn't have even thought this is the way that...this conversation would go. She's been through so much and...I had expected her to blow me off right away. I would understand, not wanting to get attached to someone again like she was with Nate. 

I picked her up gently then walked to the couch, still keeping our lips intertwined. I didn't know if I should pursue the next thing, but...she would stop me right? I just...I don't want to make anything happen and have her regret it the next morning. 

She pressed her hands into my chest, sliding them down towards the belt of my pants. No. Not now. I don't want to pursue this anymore then what's happening now. 

I grabbed her hands gently before pulling away from her. "I-I don't want to push anything." I spoke up. "It's not you. I-It's me." 

Alyssa just smiled before pulling me into a soft kiss and moving her head to my shoulder. "I-I'm okay with that." 

A chuckle came from me before I stood and lifted her with me. Carrying her over towards my bed, I could feel her body relax into me. This was what the night was going to be and well, I didn't mind. 

I haven't felt this relaxed in a long time and being beside someone that I cared about so deeply really helped. I could feel my mind slowly become eased and my body relax. Alyssa laid beside me, each of us wrapped in each others arms under my blanket. 

Finally, I felt my eyes drift close. For once I was going to get some great sleep.