Choking on Diamonds

Thirty Six

My vans padded against the tile floor of the down town Norwalk dinner. The white and sparse black pattern matched my shoes as I looked down at them, making me feel like I was stuck in a dull movie. It was cold inside, the air conditioning blasting in the hot April afternoon. My eyes easily found the college student sitting in the red booth, playing with the paper wrapper of a straw.

Nate looked up upon feeling my close proximity, eyeing me as I sat down and flashed him a smile. "So is there a reason we're here without Camryn or are we just not allowed to talk about it?" I asked sarcastically, my left hand grasping the cold plastic of the second water already on the white table. The condensation coated my hand as I took a spin from the clear straw, the freezing ice water running down my throat and sending a chill down my body.

"We're friends, are we not?" Nate fired back without much more of an inclination. He briefly scratched the black facial hair on his chin, the only sign that he was nervous. I was already suspicious of what Nate had to say considering Camryn's absence but my bias was not against him. In fact, I was more worried about if something was wrong with Cam. Nate wanted the best for her and hat was something that was always clear to me, no matter how rocky their relationship was and how many times they broke up just to make up again. 

"Why'd you call me here, Nate?" I asked outright. Jason's funeral had been yesterday and it was tough to watch. I almost felt like I didn't have a right to be there, that I was just like all of the other fakers pretending to care for their own satisfaction. But Jason was my friend. I had been one of the last people to be with him that fateful night and I wouldn't abandon him, and I certainly wouldn't abandon Hunter and Will when they needed all the support they could get. Hunter would never admit it, but I know Jason's death affected him too; they had been in the same friend group since middle school. It had been an emotionally draining week and Mckenna wasn't helping.

Her due date was rapidly approaching in the next month and I had yet to speak to her all week. I honestly couldn't even look in her direction without feeling sick. I had remedied that feeling by simply avoiding home and when I had to be, I was usually locked in my room alone. It's not like my parents noticed; they were too busy in their own world to give a shit about what their kids where doing. There was going to be a fucking baby in my house in less than two months and I couldn't handle that. It made me upset to even think about it. Everything about Kenna's situation made me want to throw up, to be completely honest.

"I've had some things on my mind," Nate told be vaguely, glancing out the glass wall lining the front of the dinner and watching the people moving up and down the sidewalk. "I don't know if I should come clean or not."

That's not what I wanted to hear.

Like at all.

It almost felt worse that something wasn't wrong with Cam because the tone Nate used made me feel like this was an even bigger deal than a problem in their relationship. "It's going to come out eventually. What is it?" I asked hesitantly, my eyebrows pulling together in a spike of stress as I watched Nate look back at my carefully.

"You know how Duke was addicted to OxyContin?"

"Yeah..." I did not like where this conversation was going at all. I just wanted to get up and run out of here but I owed it to Nate to listen to whatever horrifying thing he was about to say.

"I don't think he meant to die that night...I know he had the note but I don't think it was intended to be used that night."

"What's are you talking about?"

Nate leaned forwards, dropping his voice as he spoke to me. I could feel his breath on the right side of my face, almost like a punch. "I'm saying I was the one who was selling him Oxy and what he got was laced."

In that moment my heart stopped. As my eyes closed and I exhaled through my nose, my first panicked thought was 'Does Camryn know?' But the answer to that one was rather obvious. She had told me she was suspicious of what Nate had been doing as of late and this was the answer she feared. This had to be a cruel fucking joke. Did he even know how long I spent thinking I drove Duke to take his life? But this wasn't about me. This was about Nate's fucking criminal activity. He helped kill someone.

"Laced with what?" I asked in a scarily calm tone, opening my eyes to stare Nathan in the face.

"Fentanyl. He was taking so much caffeine on a regular basis, that combined with the high lace and his regular use of Oxy that his heart must have just gave out. I'm surprised the three Rockstars a day didn't kill him but that's besides the point."

"Nathan, what the fuck have you done?"

"I don't know, Kyra." The fear in his voice was so apparent, I could see the pain in his furrowed brows and downturn lips. "It just happened. I needed the money. I didn't expect it to become a regular thing; it's was supposed to be once to twice. What am I supposed to do now?"

"I don't know!" I hissed under my breath. Could I get arrested for this? Am I an accomplice now? Is what Nate did considered murder? Oh my god, this could under no circumstances get out. "You don't speak a word about this to anyone."

"That's kind of a given, Kyra," he retorted quietly.

"Just get out of that shit, Nathan. I don't care how you do it, just do it. And leave Cam the fuck out of it."

"How do I do that, Kyra? It's not that easy."

"I'm not the one that got you into it! You did this, now fix it. I'm not going to tell you it's okay, Nate. It's not. When you're out of it then you can tell Camryn, but I honestly had no fucking clue what that will mean for you two. I wouldn't hold my breath, though. I'm not trying to be a bitch, I'm just telling it to you straight. It's not looking good."

"I know," he muttered, looking down. "Thanks for showing up at least. I guess I'll see you around."

That's when I knew I hadn't given Nate what he wanted. I offered no moral support or vulnerability and that's what he was speaking but I honestly couldn't offer it. I loved how protective of Cam Nate was but I had to draw a line. I can't lie to him and act like everything is okay. It wasn't.

His response was an obvious nudge for me to leave so with a heavy mind and heart, I obliged. I stood up from the seat and looked down at Nate, who was still staring at the table refusing to face me. "Good luck, Nate. I honestly hope you figure it out."

But right now I couldn't be a part of his problems. I could only take so much bullshit this year and drug dealing was not in the cards.

Nate was on his own and I just hoped my best friend was ready for the worst. She was about to blind sided and there was nothing I could do.

We all have something to hide and she was about to learn just how cruel that fact was first hand.