DONAVAN

Chapter 4: Help

I woke up to voices.

"He sustained a sever head injury as well as internal bruising. We did labs and found he had a high blood alcohol level and drugs were in his system as well." A unrecognizable voice said.

"He'll be alright though?"

"Yes, he may never be quite the same though. Have you two ever been told that he may have PTSD and TBI?"

"No, we haven't."

"His amygdala appears to be hyperreactive to trauma-related stimuli. The hallmark symptoms of PTSD, including exaggerated startle response and flashbacks, may be related to a failure of higher brain regions. The hippocampus and the medial frontal cortex dampen the exaggerated symptoms of arousal and distress that are mediated through the amygdala in response to reminders of the traumatic event. The findings of structural and functional neuroimaging studies of PTSD are reviewed as they relate to our current understanding of the pathophysiology of this disorder."

"What can we do to help him?"

"Therapy, consulting, or I can prescribe medication for pain and anxiety."

"Let's try the medication first."

"Alright, I'll get a prescription. I do want to keep him over night, just to make sure everything's fine."

"Thanks so much."

"Your welcome."

The door opened then closed, clicking into place. They had left, leaving me alone with my demons.

******

I was drifting in and out of sleep. The morphine the doctors had given me was working its magic. I caught a glimpse of Danny sitting in one of the chairs in the room. His soft green eyes scanning me.

"Jase, why are you getting yourself into so much trouble? Don't you want better for yourself?" He asked, his eyes meeting mine.

"You know I haven't been the same since you died, Danny.... I miss you so much."

Danny gave a weak smile, his emerald green eyes showing his concern for me.

"Jase, I never really left you. I'm still in your memories, aren't I? I saw you at the cemetery the other day. We all did. You were the best General we could of asked for. You put us before yourself and...."

"I should of saved you, Danny. I should of brought you home.... I'm so sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Jase. I died doing what I loved. Do you love me enough to let me go. To give yourself closure. You know I'm alright. I'm not suffering anymore. I'm at peace."

"Danny, I can't...."

"You can, Jase. You'll know when it's time."

I nodded and Danny was gone. I sat there starring at the empty seat. Tears blurred my vision and I didn't stop them from falling.

*****

My parents came to pick me up the following day. They were so relieved to see me up and moving around.

"Jason, what in the hell where you thinking! Getting all mixed up in drugs and shit!" My Father snapped.

"I-I-I'm trying to cope alright! I don't know what else to do!"

"Stop it, Jason. The war is over. What happened, happened. You can't change it no matter how hard you try."

"Don't you understand. I want to change it. I let my men down, I let my country down, and most of all I let Danny down! Everyone's lives rested in my hands and I-I failed them."