Yungin' and Quees

Enough

"I gotta go to the studio " August stated as he rolled out of bed. He quickly picked up his clothes from the floor, and rushed to the bathroom closing the doors behind him.

I laid in our bed feeling cold and exposed. You'll think i'll be used to this disappearing act he pulled after sex, but it just hurts more every time.

He exited the bathroom looking fully dressed and refreshed. I sat in bed, pulling up the sheets up around my naked body.

"When will you be back? " I asked quietly fiddling with my fingers .

August remained quiet still gathering his stuff. I dropped my hands in defeat with a soft sigh.

"Later." he replied finally walking out the door.

The door closed gently behind him, I sat in the silent room listening to his foot steps as they disappeared down the hallway.

I felt a lump forming in my throat, as my eyes bubbled over with tears .

He was so cold and ,distant .we barely talk and when we did it was short ... He never looks at me ,he barely touches me . He acts like he hates me.

It wasn't always like this, we were happy ones ,we were in love , but that was 5 months ago....

5 months ago,  as you know I was pregnant . August was ecstatic , he was buying clothes and toys, we'd began picking out names . We settled on Anthony for our little boy...

A few days before I entered my third trimester , I'd decided to finish his nursery , August begged me not to drive that day, he said wait until later when he got home, but i insisted. I'll just go now to beat the traffic august.

I should've listen to him,  I shouldn't have been so stubborn.

On my way home,  I was hit head on by an 18 wheeler.  Fortunately, I made it out alive, but my little Anthony didn't.

At first he was so happy I was alive , but then he grew to resent me for tje choices I made . August was devastated and he blamed me for what happened to Anthony, hell I blame my self.

if I had waited for him i wouldn't be in this situation,  we'd be happy with out newborn baby boy,  I wouldn't feel shut out by the man I love.

I clenched my fists grabbing handfuls of the sheets as my sobs grew louder.  I pulled my knees up ti my chin,  releasing the sheets to wrap them around my legs.

Ever since then,  he hasn't been the same.  The closer we get to Anothony's due date the more distant he's  become.

I've felt so guilty, looking into his eyes seeing his spirit broken. He's miserable and seeing me everyday,  reminding him of the life he could've had is torturing him.

We were supposed to be engaged by now.  He was going to propose,  I found the ring months ago...  I thought maybe,  he was ready to move on and forgive me.  I've been waiting for months, but nothing.  He changed his mind.

I've tried everything.  I've tried talking to him and therapy.  He refuses to talk about it,  and everytime  I make and appointment he doesn't show up.  He doesn't want to try to make this work.

I sniffled.  Swiping my hand across my nose.  I swifted in bed and threw my legs over the edge.  I shuffled to my feet taking the bedsheets with me.

I scanned the floor finding my discarded dress.  I pulled it over my body and stood up from bed.

I walked out the bedroom door, my feet taking the all too familiar path down the hall. My fingers trembled at the door knob. Turning it slowly, I pushed open the door letting my bare feet hit the cold flooring.  The incomplete nursery still here how I remembered it, I used to walk in and it felt so warm and exciting  , but now it was just cold and haunting.

His toys and clothes sat in boxes in the corner. His crib still sat in pieces, the walls only painted in swatches. My eyes stung with tears again,  why'd I come here?  I walked out quickly,  closing the door behind me.

Every night,  I've prayed I'd wake up from this nightmare.  That I'd wake up in the morning only to find it was just a dream,  but I open my eyes every morning to an empty bed and broken heart.

I can't sleep through the night,  I cant eat.  I'm alwats tired,  Im so tired.   I cant make him love me again, I can't find a way to make him forgive me. I cant keep living this way.  How  long will I do this to myself?  I made a mistake,  but I won't let him blame me for thus anymore.  It hurts to see him hurt.  He's hurting because of me.

I'll  just leave before he leaves me...

I packed up the last of my things,  dragging my bags down the stairs to the waiting cabbie.  He took them, bringing it outside to the car.

I looked over the place I used to call home, wiping away onr final tear.  I sighed heavily, closing thr door behind me.  I took in the fresh evening air, already feeling the weight fall off my shoulders.

I pulled away from the house with a bittersweet feeling,  I love August unconditionally,  I'd give anything to start a life with him but im not enough for him anymore.  So I had to leave,  its obvious what we had is gone and I need to stop holding on to the past,  but at least was I'll leave  knowing I did everything I could to make this work...

Later on that night August returned home, he'd found it silent;  which was odd because Yn would usually be waiting up for him.  He shrugged it off assuming she was asleep already.  He walked upstairs taking off his jacket.  He opened their bedroom door quietly not to disturb her.  To his surprise the bed was empty.  The room clean and most of her things missing.  He was taken over with worry,  calling her name with no response.  He entered every  searching for her.  He approached the last door a room he hadn't entered in months.

He opened the final door hoping she'd be there.    He entered the cold room,  all of his sons things sit in the boxes collecting dust.  He looked around the room, his eyes landing on a single sheet of paper that sat in the middle of the room.  August bent down picking up the paper,  immediately recognizing the handwriting.  His heart dropped as he began to read:

TO BE CONTINUED.......