Smashed Into You

Chapter 3.b (Jessica's POV): THE RESISTANCE

“Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to introduce to you… the amazing…” Randy Jackson shouted as he introduced the next performance, “my dawg, Phil Phillips!”’

Her mind went blank. Did Randy just say his name? Her whole body froze; she didn’t even notice the camera panning through her row.

The gigantic curtains flung open… then drums suddenly started beating everywhere as if to intentionally portray how loud her heart was thumping.

And there he was… with his signature acoustic guitar and deep, heavy stares. Her jaw dropped instantly at the sight of him. He looked like a god. The lights hit his body perfectly. Her heart raced even faster.

She was far away so she couldn’t see him as clearly as she wanted to, but she felt her eyes transform into binoculars. She was trying – desperately trying – to look at the features of his face. He looked more mature; it was obvious, even from afar, that the structures of his face and body were now more defined. He looked like a man now, so far from his former cute, southern boy appeal. He was wearing a brown leather jacket that perfectly showcased his broad shoulders. She felt her knees weaken. She couldn’t help but smile when she saw his pants; he definitely got style advice because they weren’t baggy anymore. And leather shoes? He finally threw away his old brown Toms! She couldn’t take how fantastic he looked. He was looking fine. He was gorgeous. It wasn’t fair.

The sound of the drums faded away when he started to sing. His voice was so raspy yet it was still so pure. He definitely sounded better now and to think he already sounded amazing during Idol. After a verse of a capella, he started hitting his guitar like a drum. He sounded like he was playing a cajón. People were applauding like crazy. He was such an artist.

Then suddenly, it became a full production! He brought a whole orchestra. He put down his guitar and started moving around the stage. She observed him closely. He did not wiggle around like a confused worm anymore. His kidney was probably better, that’s good. She always found that shtick of his to be cute but he looked so much better without it. He looked very comfortable on that stage. She felt proud.

She felt her heart race even faster. She definitely liked him as an artist but she loved him more as a performer. She was trying so hard to remind herself that she hated him still but he had this strong, captivating presence on stage that made her feel like a giddy teenage girl, the same way she felt four years ago.

She closed her eyes to fully enjoy and take in the pure, southern rasp of his sexy, sexy voice…

- Flashback -

The tour was difficult to tolerate, especially with the tension between me and Phillip. My anger towards him grew and grew everyday but it became easier to fake as the days passed.

The most difficult time was the day after the finale when we had to do press rounds together. We rode in one car. During the interviews I could feel his eyes staring at me. I wanted to strangle him in front of the cameras and shout that I wasn’t falling for that stupid trick anymore but of course, I did not want to jeopardize my career. I already compromised it for him once, I will never do it again. Ever.

I was concerned about his health, sure, but I was also relieved that I got to do the press tour with Josh instead of him. It would be so awkward. I didn’t know how much I would be able to take being around him with all the hate I was feeling. All my interviews mentioned Phillip also, so… they obviously didn’t help in any way. But I was thrilled that I was able to keep my composure and look convincingly proud. Honestly, I was proud that he won. He deserved it. I wasn’t bitter or anything, I was just disappointed that I made it easier for him.