Easier [Ashton Irwin]

25

And you know you don't want it any other way
I love you so much that I hate you (Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)

~~~

Movie nights were the best kind of nights. Huddled under blankets, food scattered around yourself and nothing to distract you but the television and your chosen companion? What's not to love?

The publicity tour had been hard on Ashton, everyone knew it. Hoping on plane after plane so that they could advertise and represent the new album was tiring, and with Ashton not up to one-hundred per cent yet, everyone worried about him. Their tour would be starting in a week, and although the group were looking forward to be playing music in front of thousands of people live on stage, everyone needed to recharge their batteries.

That's why the band and Sydney were so glad when they managed to grab a few days where they didn't have any interviews scheduled. It was just them, in a strange city, with nothing planned.

The boys and Sydney loved each other — there was no denying that — but sometimes when you've shared a bus with four other people for several weeks, it can become tense. That's why they had all decided to spend the day apart.

Sierra had flown in that morning, so Luke had been over the moon, promptly deciding that he was going to give her the 'best tour of her life' of New York City. The couple had left the hotel in a sickeningly cute bundle of affectionate kisses, warm embraces and giggles.

Michael had hidden away in his hotel room, residing to FaceTime so that he could communicate with his fiancée. Crystal hadn't been able to fly in that day as she had work, and although that had hurt Michael more than he would admit, he knew that he would see the pretty blonde before their first show. Sydney had joked that he was 'gonna go and have a wank' to which Michael had responded with a giggle and rosy cheeks. Sydney regretted the joke.

Calum had declined Sydney and Ashton's offer to hang out with the two of them, saying that he 'didn't want to be a third wheel'. Ashton had choked on the Diet Coke he had been drinking and Sydney's face had heated up dramatically at the comment. Calum, instead, opted to go hang out with a friend who was also in the city at the same time as them.

That's how Sydney and Ashton had ended up in Sydney's hotel room (it was ideal - she didn't share with any of the boys), the pair curled up on the double bed, piles of blankets thrown on top of them. Ashton's beloved acoustic guitar was lying on the small uncomfortable sofa, the pair having spent an hour or two doing what they did best - writing and simply enjoying music.

The pair had ordered Dominoes, but the cardboard boxes had long since been discarded on the floor of the hotel room. The television mumbled in the background, playing Marvel: Infinity War, as the pair talked, their laughter sounding through the room.

"The number of times Michael has fallen off stage is honestly impressive. He's like a magnet to the edge." Ashton laughed as the YouTube compilation on his phone came to an end.

Sydney sighed, smiling sadly. "Honestly, scariest moment of my life was when Michael burnt his face and Calum burnt his arm. I genuinely thought we were gonna lose him."

Ashton nodded. "We should have never used pyrotechnics without practising beforehand."

"I blamed myself for ages. I was so convinced it was my fault because when management suggested it you asked for my opinion. Said it was what mattered the most. I said 'yes' because you all seemed so excited. I had a bad feeling about it. I used to cry about it all the fucking time."

"You never told us that," Ashton spoke, concerned as he sat up, wrapping his am around her.

"I knew it would kill you guys to know that I had felt like that. So, I kept it all in." Sydney sighed, leaning her head against his shoulder.

The room was quiet for a while, the only thing to be heard was the pair's breathing.

"I love you," Ashton spoke, breaking the silence. "I love you so fucking much, Sydney. And I know it's selfish for me to tell you this but I need you to know: I fucking love and adore you."

Sydney's breath caught in her throat, surprised by the sudden outburst and shift in tone. She turned to look at the tall man, his arm wrapped around her shoulder as he gazed down at her.

"I love you, too." She spoke, her voice a gentle breeze.

Ashton smiled gently. "I love you so goddamn much. You keep putting others before yourself all the fucking time. You've done so much for me and ask for fuck all in return. I meant everything I said in that interview. Your lyrics are like poetry and I could listen to them all day, Sydney. The nicknames — the fucking nicknames — never cease to make me smile." His smile faltered. "But I'm not ready, not yet. I'm still healing and I need time to sort shit out and I don't want to hurt you. That's the last thing I'd ever want to do, I swear, Sydney. I'm just not ready for a relationship, and I know you would never hurt me, but there's still this tiny voice in my brain that won't let me forget about anything, and I don't want that when I'm with you." He sighed. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. It's not fair on you. And I kinda just assumed—"

Sydney placed a hand over his mouth, cutting his panicked stream of words short. When she was certain that he was going to stay silent, she slowly removed her hand, looking him in the eyes. "Dating won't be good to you; you're not in the right place now, Honey Bee. This time, you need to think about yourself and your state of mentality. Dating isn't necessary — I mean, sure, sometimes you'll get lonely, but dating isn't the cure. I'm here. I care about you. We'll do this one hurdle at a time, and because of that, I will always wait for you, Honey Bee. You don't need to worry about that."

    Sydney placed a kiss on Ashton's lips. It was short and sweet, and she could feel Ashton smile into the kiss. She pulled away, a loving smile on her face as she gazed into Ashton's eyes. Ashton mimicked the actions, the smile on his face etching deep dimples into his cheeks.

Ashton leant his head against Sydney's shoulder as he sat back on the bed beside her, the two leaning against the wall. Sydney began running her hands through his thick curly hair.

"I will always be here for you, Honey Bee."