A Cursed Day

02. The Mission

Have you ever wanted to do something that goes against everything you have been taught to believe? That is me right now, trying to decide if me going against every single code we have is worth the comfort that I know I will bring to Ariel.

I am her guardian angel and yet I am not allowed to change her life to ease her suffering.

For years now I have been carefully watching over her, watching life take shot after shot at her. To be honest I am amazed that she hasn't done anything to herself, I don't even want to think what would happen to me if she were to decide it was all too much for her. Of course, here and there I have broken some little rules for her to try and ease her suffering in very small amounts.

I can't really get rid of pain but I can sometimes nudge her into into safety when she is in danger. There is always that day every single year, her birthday, that is the most difficult for me. My mission is to guard her and look out for her and yet I am not allowed to stop the bad things happening every single fucking year.

It's the most frustrating thing, knowing that I have to watch her go through all of these things fr some reason, but I have not been told what that reason is. Lately I have been struggling more and more with that fact. That I have to take someone else's word for everything, seeing the woman that I have fallen in love slowly kill herself with her drinking and dangerous habits.

I can't read her mind but her actions speak for themselves in the way that I don't think she cares about herself anymore. In the first couple of years since her 18th birthday I could see that she still had some fight left in her, she was willing to get up once she had been down. Then at one point I don't remember when, she stoped fighting.

That was when my 'job' got so much harder, I have magic and I have the power to make any of her dreams come true. But I am not allowed.

That fact creating more and more anger inside me, an emotional that an angel should not be feeling. We even have regulations about what emotions we are allowed to feel and express. I have no idea if they have any way of monitoring the way we're feeling but I would not put it past them; with time I have learned that even the good guys do bad things. They're just better at hiding their tracks.

As her 28th birthday approaches, in a week, I have no idea if everything is going to follow the pattern and something bad is going to happen again. I don't really want to see how she is going to cope for the 10th year in a row if something goes wrong.

The simple fact is that I have a bad feeling about this year, I may not be all human anymore but I still have some of my old memories, not all of them, but some. I remember what it was like to have one setback after the other, it takes on hell of a person to even just keep waking up in the morning.

I know that I am probably going to get turned down, as I have done for the past 8 years but I have to give it another try. Even though Gregory always turns me down, I see the sympathy in his eyes every single year but his hands are as tied as mine.

I know only a little bit about his history, but I do know that he understands where I'm coming from. That's why every single year I ask to be told what is going to happen to Ariel, asking for permission to intervene but the rules are against it every single year.

I try anyway.

"I see it's time for your yearly visit." Gregory greets me as I walk into his office, we have been friends for a long time as he was once the guy that helped me understand why I was given a second chance.

"I know there's nothing you can but I have a really bad feeling this year. I don't know why but I have a feeling that this year I have to do something, I feel like she is on the brink." I explain and I mean it. Even though in previous years I have wanted, no needed to help her, this year I have this dread in the pit of my stomach that something irreversible is going to happen.