Vacancy

24. The Call.

I threw my phone across the garden, it landed in the grass and Arielle rushed over. "omg Jess, what's happened?" she sat next to me and tried to hug me, as I pulled my knees up to my chest and cried. Ari prized me open, and helped me wipe away my tears, still cradling me, like a baby. I heard the kitchen door open, and we parted, chatting, fake giggling, so my parents wouldn't be suspicious, I could barely talk to Arielle, let alone them. "okay girls, we're heading out now, probably won't be back for a good few hours. Dinner is at 7, let me know who's attending, and if you go out, drop me a text." dad recited as he rushed around the kitchen trying to find his keys. Ainsley and Aliyah called goodbye from the hallway and then the door slammed, I could faintly hear Jordan's music from upstairs, but he would be playing online for hours, the coast seemed clear enough to talk. "so?" Arielle looked at me, clearly Luke hadn't said anything, which was surprising to me. Luke and Ari told each other everything, and so did Luke and Jai, I found it hard to believe that Luke didn't know. "he slept with someone else, in LA, the night we argued." my lip was wobbling as I told her everything Jai had told me, trying my hardest not to cry again. Her mouth fell open and I could see her processing it it all, and thinking of something to say. "and I want to be angry with him, I want to be upset..." I started, and the tears came rolling down.

"angry!? You should be furious Jess, I'm so gobsmacked, Jai? It's not like him, I can't believe it" she said, her mouth still hanging open. "I'm gonna call Luke, like I'm mad now!" she began ranting and stomped around the porch. "like HOW DARE HE?!" At this point I wasn't sure if she was talking about Jai, or Luke. I had to come clean to her, I couldn't deal with that wrath of her temper if she found out I had lied to her. "Ari, that's not all of it..." I said as her pacing came to a stop. She looked at me, fire burning in her eyes, from her expression, it looked as though she thought Luke had also slept with someone, and so I blurted it out, "I slept with Brandon last night, I don't know what I was thinking, but I can't be upset with Jai, because I'm upset with myself."
"you did what?" she looked at me in disbelief, her hand shot up, covering her gaping mouth and she stood still, staring. "do you like him?" she asked me, she was handling it much better than I'd predicted. "I mean, does he make you happy? I know Jai hasn't been lately, is that why you did it?" she continued to quiz me. It was too many questions I didn't know the answer to, what she said made sense, but everything got lost and mixed up. In my head. "what are you going to do Jess?" she sat back down, and angled her body towards me, with an intense look on her face. "I dont know Ari, I really dont know" I shrugged with barely any effort and let out a deep breath. "I love Jai, but him being away has made me doubt everything, especially now. Its been less than a month, and already both of us have cheated. Things would be completely different if he was here, but he's going to be away more and more now. I can't trust him, he can't trust me, fuck, I don't even know if I can trust me"

Arielle sat, and listened to me, not saying a word until she finally said "what about Brandon?" my mind drifted back to last night, and recollected the events leading up to now. "it was exciting, he made me feel wanted again, and you know, after all our history together it felt kind of normal..." I tried to explain to her. It had been 12 hours and honestly, I missed him already. After the last few weeks, all the stress with Jai, and feeling miserable for days on end, Brandon had made me feel better again. He had made me feel important, like someone actually wanted to be with me. "maybe you and Jai need a break, you've hurt each other, and moping around, wondering what he's doing all the time isn't going to make you feel good Jess" it was as if Arielle had just read my mind. "either way, you gotta talk to him" she finished, and she was right. I sighed and unbunched my body, I stood up and walked down the steps to retrieve my phone. There was a crack in the top, left hand corner, brilliant. I clicked the lock button and my screen filled up with messages from Jai, Luke and Brandon. "I'm gonna call Luke, see if he can make some sense of it all" Arielle stood up, looking at me with a sympathy all over her face, and wondered into the kitchen.

I unlocked my phone and went to my messages, running my hand through my hair. Without even thinking I opened Brandon's first.

'Jess, I'm so sorry about everything, I just want you to know that whatever you decide to do, I'm okay with that. I've loved you from a distance for a long time, and if I have to do that again, so that you can be happy, I will. I don't expect you to reply, I just needed to get my feelings out there. Take care of yourself, Bear'

I used to call him Bear all the time when we were dating, the nostalgia felt like a knife to the heart. Brandon was, and always had been, a good guy. He was the ideal boyfriend, any girl would be lucky to be with him, but he had fallen for me, unavailable me. With that I went to Jai's message.

'I'm broken. I never wanted to hurt you, and I didn't expect you to hurt me this bad, but it's given me a perspective of how you felt that night we argued. I've pushed you away because I didn't know how to tell you, and you found comfort in someone else. I don't know if the trust can repair itself Jessy, I love you, with every Inch of me, and what happened was a mistake. I was drunk, which I know isn't a good excuse, but I missed you, and I needed that affection, something to hold onto, and I'm so, sorry. I understand this isn't going to be easy, so I think it's best if we take some time to process and figure out how to move on from this. This isn't goodbye, I know one day we will be ready to start again, but right now, I can't. I'm so sorry'

Everything from the past flooded back, and I began to cry again, no, not cry, sob. My lip wobbled as I read the message over, and over. Jai hadnt even tried to fight for us. As far as I was concerned, we were done, he could do whatever the fuck he wanted now, without thinking about me at all. I looked across to the house and saw Ari pacing, she looked happy, talking to Luke. She looked how I wanted to look, so I picked up my phone and called Brandon.