Vacancy

19. Guilty.

After a few minutes, Brandon and I parted. "you have no idea how much I want you, how much I've always wanted you." he whispered, his eyes were kind, yet full of sadness. "I never should have let Jordan keep me from you. I regret what happened every day. It hurts to see you with him" he was talking about Jai, who I had pushed to the back of my mind until now, "it hurts to see you full stop. It's been almost 3 years Jess, I can't forget about you." he spoke softly to me, still holding me in his arms. I couldn't get the thought of Jai out of mind now and wriggled free from Brandon. I felt embarrassed, and guilty, not just about Jai, but Brandon now as well. I didn't know how I felt, I hadn't so much as given Brandon a second thought while I'd been with Jai. "we should go back in" I mumbled, turning my back on Brandon ready to walk away. I heard him sigh, and shuffle behind, but I didn't turn, my vision was still blurry, and I swayed, still feeling very drunk. "jessy, say something." he desperately grasped for something more from me. We were both drunk, if we stayed here together it would only end in an argument, so I walked away, leaving him alone. Truth was, I didn't know what to say to him, my brain felt so muddled. I arrived back to the entrance of the club, "I.D?" the bouncer asked, crap, I'd left my bag with Poppy earlier and had nothing with me. "it's inside, with my friend" I pleaded with the bouncer, but he began to get agitated and I gave up in dispair. I couldn't even phone anyone, as of course I'd left that in my bag as well. Not that anyone would have heard their phones over the music. My only choice was to return to Brandon, but as I turned back, I noticed he had gone.

I sat back down on the wall, alone. I would just have to wait until one of the girls emerged from the club, I had no clue what time it was, no idea how long I'd been outside, and as the alcohol churned inside of me, I began to feel sleepy. I propped myself up, a few meters from where I'd sat before, against a tree. The wall was rough and rubbed against my legs as I stared blankly towards the bouncer. People began to leave the club, an array of taxi's waiting started to block my view and as I stood up, Arielle came rushing over, she was alone. "Jess, what the fuck?!" she toppled over to me and grabbed me, almost dragging me back down again. "Luke called, I came outside and when I was heading back in, I saw you and Brandon sitting. Are you okay?" she hugged me and stumbled some more. She was clearly just as drunk as I was, and we laughed and we both fell and landed on the wall. "careful I'm not wearing underwear" , I laughed a little too loudly as Jordan appeared "a bit more than I needed to know, thank you" his Brows dipped and soon the other girls joined us. By this time Ari and I were in fits of giggles, laying on the pavement and Marla soon joined us as the others fought to get us up. "what a great night, thanks guys, I really needed this" Frankie smiled and we joined eachother in a group hug, we'll everyone except Jordan who was trying to wave down a taxi.

"where's Brandon?" he asked, realising his friend was nowhere to be seen. I shrugged and replied "he helped me outside with water, but he left when I tried to get back inside. I left my ID in my purse with Pops, and assumed he was also coming back in, but when I turned he had gone. I mean, I guess he went home?" I ended with a question and Jordan pulled out his phone, unable to get a taxi. He walked away from our loud voices as we discussed Frankie's hot guy friend and questioned Poppy about the barmaid. "She was just so nice, and super hot, and I don't even know if she was gay... But I was so into her. And her name is Daisy. Like Poppy and Daisy, it's perfect." Poppy rambled on, I could see the disappointment in her face, and I linked arms with her as we aimlessly wondered about. "So then we keep coming back? Until youre brave enough to ask her out" she smiled and leant her head on my shoulder. Jordan headed back towards us, shoving his phone back into his pocket. "Brandon is by the waterfront, I'm gonna go and meet him after I get you girls in a taxi, that okay?" he turned towards me, and I shrugged. Marla grabbed onto Jordan and pulled him in the direction of the harbour. "we'll all go, we came together, we should leave together" she said proudly and began to walk "Plus, I've been having a fun time with you" I heard her 'whisper' to Jordan.

With that we all began waking towards the cold, breezy waters edge. Marla and Jordan in front, me, still with Poppy, Frankie and Arielle lagging behind. "ugh my feeeeet" moaned Ari, "when we get there, can we go onto the sand so I can take off these damn shoes?!" she yelled. No one said a word, Ari would do what she wanted to do regardless. The sound of our heels echoed on the empty streets, and I could hear Marla giggling faintly in front. Her and Jordan were quite far ahead now, and if we didn't hurry, we'd lose them completely. "Ari, do you want my shoes? I have socks on, I can deal with losing a pair of socks, but god help me if I have to listen to you whine the whole way." Frankie finally broke her off from her fourth "owww my feet" and stopped Arielle in her tracks. Ari looked down at Frankies platform trainers, and her face dropped. "you want ME to wear THOSE?" she looked horrified. After around 30 seconds of fighting it, she took Frankie's shoes. She didn't look at all ridiculous, in fact, they quite suited her, but she hung her head in shame as she walked on, Frankie now in her crisp white socks. With Arielle's pace now normal, it was only 4 or so minutes until we arrived at the waterfront, Brandon's shadow cast over the beach as he sat alone in the centre of the sand. It hurt to see him there alone, it hurt that I had made him feel the way he did. "Jess, you okay?" Poppy asked, I'd gripped on to her a little tighter, as to hold myself back, all I wanted was to run to Brandon and apologise, to make him feel better, but that would just lead him on more than I already had. "mhmm, im just cold, sorry" it was true, I was cold, and as I loosened my grip, the cold air rushed between the gap I had created, making me shiver.