Vacancy

12. Waves.

Brandon looked back at me, "you okay" he asked, smiling and squeezing my hand slightly, the palm of my hand becoming even more clammy than it had been previously, which I wasn't sure was possible. His mouth said he was enjoying this moment, but his eyes said 'what the fuck are we doing?' I let go of his hand, crossed me arms across my chest, grabbing a hold of my shoulders, which got the full impact of sweat from my hands across them, and shrugged. Waves of guilt washed over me, but I couldn't help but feel attracted to him.

Brandon was asking me to let him in, but I couldn't share my relationship woes with an ex. That was one spot to close to cheetah. I needed to head back in the direction of kitten. "sorry, it's just like, really warm today right? I'm feeling a little dizzy, and my balance is way off. I'm just going to sit and have some water, i'll join you guys in a minute" I eventually managed to answer, whilst avoiding his inquisitive gaze. "okay, cool. Whatever" he mumbled, breaking his gaze and sauntering off into the other room. He believed my bullshit excuse as much as I did. I sat down, trying to figure out, why I had grabbed his hand. I had been completely aware of what I was doing, I just needed something. But why him? Why not Ari, or Jordan.

Arielle knew exactly what I was going through, but maybe I was too close to her. She would somehow turn the way I was feeling into an hour long conversation about herself and Luke. Then she would tell me word for word the last conversation they had, which would definitly be more recent than mine and Jai's. Making me feel the way I did now. Jordan would pretent to understood and listen, but not enough for me to actually believe he had any kind of useful advice or sympathy.

Gina walked into the kitchen, where I sat, staring blankly into the doorway. Her phone was pressed to her ear, she locked into my gaze, rolled her eyes and smiled in my direction. "yes Andrew, I've got it covered, never you mind whats going on here, you have other things to worry about, like when my boys are coming home. They're kids, keep them away from home for too long and you'll see just why they're not mature enough to move to Los Angeles." her lips pursed, she wondered into the garden and sat down on the patio seating. I watched as she stood up again, and began pacing. Her face in complete dispair. The boys manager had been trying to get Gina's permission for the boys to move stateside for months now, but she wouldn't budge on her decision. It was only for a year, to sign a contract with YouTube and have their own reality show, but Gina's words were 'how can they have a reality show in LA, when their reality is Melbourne?'. She had a point.

Gina sat again, with her back to me, and snapped me out of my prying daze. I slowly stood, and poured a glass of water. As soon as the refreshing liquid touched my lips, it was gone. I stood the empty glass in the sink and stretched my arms out, yawning, forgetting about the last few moments and headed back to the packing room. "ohh Jess, can you pass me that tape? This bag is fucked." Jordan instantly engaged with me as I entered the room. I swung it at him in a tennis throw and he used his hands to whack it, hitting Brandon in the nose. "sorry bro!" he laughed, as Brandon cupped his face and scrambled for the tape. Jordan grabbed it first, and Brandon punched him in the upper arm making him drop it again. Arielle wasn't in the room, and I heard a faint laughter coming from the hall. "Luke" said Jordan as he got up from the floor, brushing himself down and beginning to tape his bag shut. I took out my own phone, nothing. Not a single text. What did Jai want? It sure didn't feel like the answer was me.

The room fell silent, until the tension between myself and Brandon became unbareable. Suddenly Jordans phone began to sound his alarm, and he dropped his package into the send pile. "we're out of here kid" he directed towards me as himself and Brandon picked up their own bags, and a sack full of packages each. "tell Gina we'll get these posted after practise, and I'll see you at home." he saluted, his curly hair bouncing along with his words, and left. Just as I thought the tension would finally lift, Brandon grabbed my hand, and I felt something scrape the palm. He smiled weakly and followed Jordan out to the front of the house. I turned my hand, palm side up, and released my grip. A small crumpled piece of envelope sat in my hand, and I flattened it out, full of anxiety. 'if you ever want to talk' and his number scrawled in biro. I shoved it into my pocket, trying to rid myself of my leopard thoughts, and taped up the second to last package. Ari came bounding in and hugged me, catching my hair in her grip, and swayed." just 68 more days" she sighed and began loading the last few packages into sacks. I stayed silent and stacked the unused packaging, 68 days felt like an eternity.