Attachments

Chapter 40

Darshan was missing.

The tent he slept in was empty. He wasn't anywhere around the surrounding areas. No one had an idea about his whereabouts. Despite the thousand outgoing calls from the four of us, he didn't answer the call. Midst the happenings, I strongly felt that it was wholly my fault he left, because I chose to dramatize the matter at night, without bothering to lend an ear to his words. Vaish's words about how sensitive and emotional Darshan was kept running on my mind, and it made me feel edgy; I was convinced that something disastrous was coming our way.

"Dude, I swear, he was in his tent the last time I checked!", Tanvi said, and peeped into his tent, again. "What if he's in the forest?", Tanvi looked at Zain, through her squinted eyes and kept her hands on her hip. "Why would he go to the forest?", Zain narrowed his eyes. "Probably, for a morning walk? I don't know, Zuzu! He's your childhood friend, you'd know him better", Tanvi threw her hands in the air. "Knowing my childhood friend, I know he wouldn't visit the forest for a morning walk. He's definitely not that adventurous", Zain answered. "And he's definitely not a morning person, who'd go on a walk", Vaish pointed out. "But what if?", Tanvi stressed on her words. I was a mere spectator of their ongoing discussion, because something so disturbing ran on mind. "He won't go to the forest, Tanu! He's scared of half of the animals in the animal kingdom", Zain stated in annoyance. "But this is a tourist area; I'm pretty sure not too many animals are around. I have a gut feeling he's in the forest-side. Zuzu, we should go!", Tanvi stubbornly said, and there was no room for his disagreements. "Fine, we'll check in the opposite direction, until you check the forest...", Vaish said. "Come!", Tanvi tugged Zain's sleeve, and with his head thrown back, he stomped his feet on the ground. I watched Tanvi and Zain march away and waited for them to disappear into the forest, before wildly turning back to face Vaish. "Maybe, he went to eat breakfast", Vaish thoughtfully said, chewing her nail.

"Vaish!", I hissed and forced her to face me. Intensely biting her nail, she looked at me, waiting for me to break the silence between us, but I silently stared back at her, feeling the trembles in my heart. "Say something. We cannot waste time, having a staring competition!", Vaish scolded. "What if—what if he—see, you said he's sensitive and emotional, right? What if he went to do something to himself...like, what if he's not thinking straight and he went to harm himself?", I swallowed hard. "He's not someone who would do that, right? Or, is he?", I questioned in terror, and Vaish was pin-drop silent. "Oh fuck. That didn't even strike me", Vaish covered her mouth and looked around, provoking my heart to take a gigantic leap in my chest. "Vaish!", I exclaimed and held her arm in fear. "He won't do that, right? Say he won't do that!", I shook her arm. "I don't think he would...", Vaish said, but she sounded dubious. "He won't!", I stressed. "Yes, he won't; he sensitive, but he's not stupid", Vaish stated, and I almost breathed out in relief until Vaish opened her mouth, again. "...but he was so upset last night...", she said and I felt a heavy drop in my stomach. "I mean, he won't do anything to harm himself, as far as I know...but he wasn't in his senses last night...maybe...", Vaish's eyes were crammed with fear, and tears moistened my eyes. "Vaish, shut up!", I exhaled and looked away from her, licking my lower lip. "He won't do that...but what if he does? Shit, it's my fault; I'm so stupid, I should have listened to him last night. Why am I so stupid?", I bit my lower lip and ran my fingers through my hair, clenching a bunch of strands between my fingers. "Dude, what if something happens to him? What if we don't find him? How will we look for him here?", I sat down on the ground, and kept my hand over my head. "He's not someone who would disappear, without letting us know. But if he has gone, without saying a word to us...", Vaish's voice trailed off. "And, Lonavala has a lot of peaks and cliffs, too...", Vaish's words were totally comforting. "Vaish, get lost! Just leave me alone. You're not making things any better for me!!", I scolded her, and buried my face on my palms, allowing tears to pour out of my eyes, onto my cold palms. "Dia, we're not going to find him if you cry", Vaish calmly said, while I still cried on the ground full of dead leaves. I felt responsible for him, and his condition, and I hated every inch of myself for putting him through hell. I wanted to go back in time and fix everything I ruined the previous night; I wish I'd confessed my love for him...without stranding him all alone. Things would have been different that morning, only if I had it in me to hold onto my nerves and hold back my tongue.